5 lessons I learned from psychotherapy

The first time I came to the session, I knocked on the door, looking at the floor. I just graduated from college and I’m used to being successful. She graduated from school with the best in her class, in college there were top marks in almost all subjects and the maximum grant for tuition fees. And now I’m here to ask for help.

I didn’t want to admit it, but I was so emotionally overwhelmed that it was hard for me to get up and get dressed in the morning. Everyone was sure that I was doing great, but trying to do everything and achieve success everywhere caused such stress and anxiety that I felt broken.

The therapist, smiling, opened the door and invited me into the office. Still nervous, I sat down on a chair. She briefly spoke about herself and tried to create a comfortable atmosphere for me.

Then she asked why I decided to contact her. I won’t forget my answer:

— I think I’m going crazy, tell me, am I crazy? After all, only crazy people turn to psychotherapists?

“There is nothing wrong with your needing help,” she assured me. These few words freed me from the shackles of shame.

That day, I began to take back control of my thoughts, emotions, and life in general. For 8 months, I continued to attend regular therapy sessions and ended up feeling better than ever before.

Five lessons I learned from psychotherapy that have changed my life.

1. Successful and ambitious people need help too.

The desire to succeed in everything creates tension, which leads to anxiety disorders and depression. Successful people usually have high expectations, and sometimes it’s very hard to live up to them.

2. Needing help is not a sign of weakness

I used to think that if I was going to a psychotherapist, then something was wrong with me. In fact, the only thing I did wrong was to put off this moment for too long, I should have started therapy earlier. I thought that I could handle my problems on my own, and during therapy I realized that I was taking on too much responsibility.

3. Time does not heal all wounds.

I wanted to believe it, but, unfortunately, the consequences of childhood and adolescent psychotrauma continued to haunt me in adulthood. Some emotional wounds begin to “rot” over time and become even more painful. It is not enough just to wait until it passes by itself, you need to master effective techniques that allow you to work out the inner pain.

4. Healing cannot happen in the past

When you focus on the past, you keep dipping into painful memories all the time. Although we were working with the past, the therapist helped me stay in the present and develop the skill of overcoming difficulties, looking at life events from a different angle, dealing with the past and moving into the future.

5. Focusing on problems makes us feel like failures.

Effective therapy does not focus on problems, but teaches you to find your own solutions to them. The therapist doesn’t tell me what to do. Unlike a doctor who gives a cure for his illness, the psychotherapist taught him to look for solutions on his own.

The decision to enter therapy was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. I have not ceased to be successful and ambitious and still strive to set difficult goals for myself. But now I am not ashamed to admit that I not only need support and help, I deserve it.

Working with a psychotherapist helped me discover my calling to help others change their lives.

Now I have a whole team of people whom I can call at any time — a mentor, a coach, a psychotherapist. It is important for the people I help that I be in excellent shape in every sense, and I cannot maintain it on my own. As my therapist said, it’s not abnormal for you to need help.