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His books have become classics, and films based on them have entered the golden fund of world cinema. January 3 Tolkien fans celebrate his birthday. Family therapist Jason Whiting talks about the great love of the English writer and the woman who became his muse for life.
The works of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien are read all over the world. His hobbits, gnomes and other fantastic characters have changed the face of world literature and culture. But what do we know about the biggest love in his life?
“He was an extraordinary child who showed amazing talents. He loved myths and legends, playing chess, drawing dragons, and had invented several languages by the age of nine,” says family therapist Jason Whiting, author of a book on relationships. – Everyone knows that he was gifted, but few people know what an incorrigible romantic Tolkien was. His book Beren and Lúthien came out in 2017, decades after the author’s death, but tells a story close to his heart.” It is a story of love and self-sacrifice, inspired by Tolkien’s passion for his wife Edith.
Friendship turned into love
Tolkien grew up in England in the early 1900s under difficult circumstances, having lost his father and mother in the midst of adolescence. Taken under the tutelage of a Catholic priest, Father Francis, young Ronald was lonely and showed a penchant for contemplation and reflection. At 16, he and his brother moved into a small apartment. In the same house lived a girl who changed Ronald’s whole life.
Edith Brett was already 19 years old by that time. She had light gray eyes and musical ability. Ronald fell in love and managed to arouse Edith’s mutual interest. The story of the girl’s friendship with the Tolkien brothers began. Whiting describes how Ronald opened the window and lowered the basket down on a rope, and Edith loaded it with snacks, feeding the orphans. “Such a rapid depletion of food supplies must have intrigued Mrs. Faulkner, the girl’s guardian, since Edith was slender and petite, and her height was only 152 centimeters.”
English Romeo and Juliet
Edith and Ronald spent more and more time together. They knew how to make each other laugh and fool around like a child – for example, when they met in a tearoom on the roof of a house in Birmingham, they threw sugar cubes into the hats of passers-by.
Their communication seriously disturbed the vigilant Father Francis and Mrs. Faulkner, whom the couple appropriated the nickname “this old lady.” The Moral Guardians considered the relationship inappropriate and were upset that Ronald skipped school. Inventive lovers came up with a conditional whistle, which served as call signs for a call to chat through the windows at night.
Of course, prohibitions and barriers did not stop them, they just had to make efforts to conspire. One weekend, Ronald and Edith agreed to meet in the countryside. And although they took precautions and even returned separately, someone from their acquaintances noticed them and informed Father Francis. And since around the same time Tolkien failed the entrance exams to Oxford, his guardian categorically insisted on a break with Edith and that the young man finally focused on his studies.
The guardian was categorical: Ronald should not have contact with Edith in the next three years
However, it was impossible to separate the couple, and they again planned a date, secretly met, boarded a train and fled to another city, where they went to a jewelry store for gifts for each other’s birthdays – the girl turned 21, Ronald – 18. But this time too there was a witness to their meeting, and again Father Francis found out about everything. This time he was categorical: Ronald should not have contact with Edith for the next three years, until his twenty-first birthday. For young lovers, this was a real blow.
Tolkien was depressed, but obediently obeyed the order of his guardian. Over the next three years, he passed his college exams and settled in Oxford, playing rugby and learning Gothic, Anglo-Saxon and Welsh. However, plunging into student life, he did not forget about his Edith.
Return
On the eve of his twenty-first birthday, Ronald sat up in bed and looked at his watch. As soon as midnight came, he began to write a letter to Edith, declaring his love and offering to marry him. Several anxious days passed. Tolkien received a reply with the terrible news that his Edith was engaged to “a more promising young man”. By the standards of that time, she was getting old – she was almost 24 years old – and it was time to get married. In addition, the girl assumed that in three years Ronald simply forgot about her.
Tolkien jumped on the first train to Cheltenham. Edith met him at the station and they walked along the viaduct. His passion melted the girl’s heart, and she agreed to break off the engagement with the “promising” groom and marry a strange student who showed an interest in Beowulf and linguistics.
“Shining Light…”
According to biographers, their marriage was filled with joy and laughter. The Tolkiens had four children. Once, a story happened to lovers that left a deep mark on Ronald’s soul and went through all his works as a through motif.
Together with his wife, they walked through the forest and found a picturesque clearing with a swamp overgrown with white flowers. Edith began to dance in the sun, and Ronald’s breath caught. Telling the story to his son many years later, Tolkien recalled: “In those days her hair was like a raven’s wing, her skin glowed, her eyes were brighter than you remember, and she could sing and dance.”
This event inspired the writer to compose a story about Beren and Lúthien, a mortal man and an elf. Here are the lines from the book The Silmarillion: “But, wandering in the midst of summer through the forests of Neldoreth, he met Lúthien, daughter of Thingol and Melian, when in the evening hour, at the rising of the moon, she danced on the unfading grasses of the coastal glades of Esgalduin. Then the memory of the endured torments left him, and he was enchanted, for Lúthien was the fairest among the Children of Ilúvatar. Her robe was blue like a clear sky, and her eyes were dark like a starry night, her cloak was studded with golden flowers, her hair was as black as night shadows. Her beauty was like the light playing on the leaves of the trees, the singing of clear waters, the stars rising above the misty earth, and in her face there was a shining light.
Edith died at the age of 82, Tolkien engraved “Luthien” next to her tombstone
When Tolkien presented the manuscript of The Lord of the Rings to the publisher, the publisher questioned the wisdom of including any romantic elements in the narrative. In particular, the young writer was told that the story of Aragorn and Arwen, similar to that of Beren and Lúthien, was “unnecessary and superficial”. The publisher felt that the book about people, magic and battles did not need any romantic scenes.
However, Tolkien stood his ground, citing the inspiring power of love. In a letter to publisher Rayner Unwin, he argued for the inclusion of the theme of Aragorn and Arwen: “I still find it very important, because it is an allegory of hope. I hope you leave this scene.” His passion again took over, and thus Tolkien preserved his novel in history.
Edith died in 1971 at the age of 82, and Tolkien engraved “Lúthien” next to her name on her tombstone. He died twenty-one months later and was buried with her, with “Beren” added to his name.
Passion and self-denial
“The strong bond between Tolkien and his beloved Edith demonstrates the depth of feeling that people can reach,” adds Jason Whiting.
However, although the relationship lights up with passion, they continue to live at the cost of great effort and sacrifice. Tolkien realized this as he pondered why his marriage had remained so strong. He reasoned: “Almost all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes in the sense that both partners could almost certainly find more suitable spouses. But the real soul mate is the one you chose, the one you married.”
Tolkien knew that true love is not achieved by a flash of rapturous desire.
Despite his passionate nature, the writer understood that relationships require work: “No man, no matter how sincerely he loves his chosen one as a bride and no matter how faithful he is to her as a wife, could remain so all his life without a deliberate and conscious strong-willed decision, without self-denial of soul and body.
“Tolkien knew that true love is not achieved by a flash of rapturous desire,” Whiting writes. She needs regular care and attention to detail. For example, Ronald and Edith liked to show attention to each other and give small gifts. In adulthood, they spent a lot of time talking about children and grandchildren. Their relationship was built on passion and friendship, which nourished this love from the beginning of courtship until the very end of life.
About the Expert: Jason Whiting is a family therapist, psychology professor, and author of True Love. Surprising ways of self-deception in a relationship.