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Why do we wear the same clothes for years, but by allowing ourselves more, we feel that we are losing touch with the family? How to get to the next level? Business coach and motivational speaker Veronika Agafonova tells.
Year after year, we wear the same clothes, go to jobs we don’t like, can’t part with the person we feel uncomfortable with, and endure toxic environments. Why is it so scary to change something?
We tend to think in terms of negative experiences. Often we say this: “Yes, this is bad, but it could be even worse.” Or we compare ourselves not with the more successful, but with those who did not succeed: «Vasya tried to open a business and lost everything.»
But if you look around, you can see, for example, a lot of entrepreneurs who have succeeded. Why? Yes, because they really invested, and not only and not so much money, but also time, energy, soul. They started the business not with a giant loan, but by testing a niche they were betting on. It’s all about the right approach, but it takes effort. It’s much easier to comfort yourself that someone didn’t succeed. “We don’t live very well, but someone doesn’t even have that.”
Born in the USSR
The attitude of “standing out and sticking out is dangerous for life” is a legacy of that time. For too many years we have been taught to “walk along the line”, to look the same, to say the same thing. Freethinking was punished. The generation that witnessed this is still alive, remembers well and reproduces in the present. Fear is written in the DNA. Parents unconsciously instill this in their children: «better a titmouse in the hand than a crane in the sky», «keep your head down, be like everyone else.» And all this for security reasons. By standing out, you can draw too much attention to yourself, and this is dangerous.
Our habit of not standing out, being a “gray mouse” comes from childhood, often not very well off. Our generation dressed in the markets, we wore out for brothers and sisters, there was practically nothing of our own. And it became a way of life.
And even when we started making decent money, it turned out to be difficult to reach a new level: change the style, buy the desired things. An inner voice screams, “Oh, this is not for me!” And this can be understood: for twenty years they lived like this … How now to take a step into a new world and allow yourself what you want?
Dressing expensive — losing touch with the family?
Many are captivated by the attitude: “All my life I have been dressing in the market, wearing clothes for others. We are so accepted. To allow more is to break the bond with the family.” It seems that at this moment we will leave the clan, where everyone wears baggy and cheap clothes.
But, by allowing yourself to buy more expensive and high-quality things and thus reaching a new level, it will be possible to “pull up” the whole family there, which means that the connection will not be interrupted. But you need to start with yourself.
How can clothes change your life?
There is a beautiful expression: «Pretend until you actually do it.» In creating a new image, this approach can and should be applied.
If a woman wants to become a successful business woman, but is still at the stage of dreaming and choosing a business idea, in order to feel more confident, it is worth going to business events and informal meetings, dressing as an aspiring entrepreneur and small business owner in her own image. Imagine a picture of the desired future in as much detail as possible and start moving towards it, starting small, for example, with clothes.
Moreover, if we buy what we really like, brushing aside the idea that a bag or boots cannot cost that much (after all, no one in the parental family has ever received that much), over time, income will “catch up”.
Meet on clothes
Is it really possible to become more successful if you work on your appearance and style? I will give an example from practice. I had a student. I analyzed her Instagram account (an extremist organization banned in Russia) and gave feedback. She was involved in organizing the provision of medical services in Germany. Treatment is expensive — premium segment. This: description of procedures, recommendations — and her personal blog is dedicated. My client used her photographs as illustrations. She herself is a beautiful woman, but the photographs were of poor quality, and the image itself left much to be desired: mostly short flowered dresses.
Thinking through your image, it is important to build a chain of associations with what you do, what services you offer
Of course, today we all already understand that meeting by clothes is not entirely correct. You need to look at the person himself, at his level of knowledge and experience. But, whatever one may say, we react to many things automatically, unconsciously. And when we see a girl in a flowery dress offering medical services in Europe for a lot of money, we have a dissonance. But looking at a woman in a suit, with good styling, who talks about the possibilities of solving health problems, we begin to trust her.
So I advised the client to switch to business suits in light colors (association with medical services) — and it worked. Thinking through your image, it is important to build a chain of associations with what you do, what services you offer. Building your image and personal brand is an investment that will definitely pay off.