Don’t give in to impulses! Keep calm! If we have good “traction”, life becomes easier. Everything is clear and measured, according to the clock and tight timing. But self-control and discipline have a dark side.
For all those who are too easy and free to pay with a credit card, psychologist and bestselling author Dan Ariely has come up with a trick in one of his books: he recommends placing the card in a glass of water and putting it in the freezer.
Before succumbing to the “consumer thirst”, you will first have to wait for the water to thaw. As we watch the ice melt, the buying urge fades. It turns out that we have frozen our temptation with the help of a trick. And we were able to resist.
Translated into psychological language, this means: we can exercise self-control. It’s pretty hard to live without it. Numerous studies testify to this.
We can’t resist a big pie, even though we have a goal of getting thinner, and that pushes it even further away from us. We run the risk of not being the best at the interview because we watch a series late the night before.
Conversely, if we keep our impulses under control, we will continue to live more purposefully. Self-control is considered the key to professional success, health, and a happy partnership. But at the same time, doubts arose among researchers whether the ability to discipline oneself fully fills our lives.
Self-control is definitely important. But perhaps we give it too much importance.
Austrian psychologist Michael Kokkoris in a new study notes that some people are usually unhappy when they have to constantly control the consequences of their actions. Although deep down they understand that in the long run they will benefit from the decision not to succumb to temptation.
Immediately after stopping spontaneous desire, they regret it. Kokkoris says: “Self-control is definitely important. But perhaps we attach too much importance to it.
Kokkoris and his colleagues, among other things, asked subjects to keep a diary about how often they came into conflict with everyday temptations. It was proposed to note in each of the listed cases what decision was made and how satisfied the respondent was with it. The results were not so clear cut.
Indeed, some participants proudly reported that they managed to follow the right path. But there were many who regretted that they did not succumb to the pleasant temptation. Where does this difference come from?
Obviously, the reasons for the difference are in how the subjects view themselves — as a rational or emotional person. Proponents of Dr. Spock’s system are more focused on rigid self-control. It is easy for them to ignore the desire to eat the famous Sacher chocolate cake.
The one who is more guided by emotions is indignant, looking back, that he refused to enjoy. In addition, their decision in the study does not fit in with their own nature: the emotional participants felt they were not themselves at such moments.
Therefore, self-control is probably not something that suits all people, the researcher is sure.
People often regret making decisions in favor of long-term goals. They feel like they missed something and didn’t enjoy life enough.
“The concept of self-discipline is not as unambiguously positive as it is commonly believed. It also has a shadow side, — emphasizes Mikhail Kokkoris. “However, this view is only now beginning to take hold in research.” Why?
The American economist George Loewenstein suspects that the point is the puritanical culture of education, which is still common even in liberal Europe. Recently, he too has questioned this mantra: there is a growing awareness that willpower entails “serious limitations of the personality.”
More than a decade ago, American scientists Ran Kivets and Anat Keinan showed that people often regret making decisions in favor of long-term goals. They feel like they missed something and didn’t enjoy life enough, thinking about how one day they will be fine.
The joy of the moment fades into the background, and psychologists see danger in this. They believe that it is possible to find the right balance between giving up long-term gains and momentary pleasure.