When a person is scared, he cannot be himself. Anger, aggression or withdrawal into oneself are signs of suffering, stress, but not a manifestation of its true essence. How to deprive stress of power over you? Don’t believe your fearful thoughts, says trainer Rohini Ross. It all started with the fact that mice appeared in the house of a yoga teacher …
One day, my yoga teacher, Linda, had mice in her house. And she decided to bring home a cat from a shelter to solve the problem.
She chose the one she liked, and quite seriously explained to the cat: they take him into the house to work. If he does his job poorly, he will go back to the cat shelter.
The cat didn’t seem to understand his duties. When he was finally brought into the house, he not only didn’t want to catch mice, but for a long time he didn’t want to leave his cat house at all.
But instead of sending him to a shelter, Linda fell in love with the cat and began to take care of him. She didn’t care anymore that he didn’t catch mice. She felt sympathy for him, regretted how timid he was, and accepted him for who he was.
It took time and care for the cat to get used to the new place and calm down. And all his feline talents returned to him.
The cat, meanwhile, got used to it, felt more confident. He began to go out into the corridor, then into the yard — and one day, to her surprise, he returned to the house with a mouse in his mouth!
When he was brought from the shelter, he was scared and did not trust anyone. It took time and care for the cat to get used to the new place and calm down. As his fright passed, his feline nature came to the surface. And now, if he didn’t catch mice, he slept on the porch, or walked along the fence, or rolled in the grass — in general, he lived his life to the maximum.
When he felt safe, he became himself, an ordinary cat. And all his feline talents returned to him.
When we humans are scared, we too often do not act in accordance with our nature, with our real «I».
Our behavior can change, from subtle gaffes like talkativeness, slips of the tongue, and awkward movements, to relapses where we suddenly lose our temper, show aggression, and commit violence.
Whatever these manifestations may be, they all testify to our suffering and do not show us as we really are.
I have had experience working with those who have committed domestic violence. I was always amazed at how they saw what was happening at the moment when they committed the crime.
And at the same time, I understood why at that moment they perceived everything that way. Without justifying them in the least, I realize that under the circumstances and with the same perception of the situation, I might have chosen the same behavior as them.
In my workshops, I teach people that you can experience less stress if you realize one important thing. Stress always comes when we trust our fears and let our insecurities and fears take over.
It may seem that I am stressed because of the large amount of work, but in fact I am stressed because I am afraid of not being able to cope with it.
No matter how much I have planned in my schedule of cases, I will not be afraid of the schedule itself, but of my thoughts. And even if I have a lot of free time, I will be stressed.
The most important thing is not to identify with your fears and not let them rule your life. When we understand the nature of these fears — that they are just our thoughts, not reality — they will lose their power over us. We will return to our human nature, to our natural state of peace, love and equanimity.
About the author: Rohini Ross is a coach and host of anti-stress programs.