Contents
The benefits of silence: why listening is better than talking
Reflection
Although what is said that “a picture is worth a thousand words” is not always true, it is sometimes. The same happens with silences: many times more meaning is concentrated in these than in anything one can say. Also, it is listening, something like working the “inner silence” to listen to others, of vital importance. And that is why Alberto Álvarez Calero, conductor, composer, and professor at the University of Seville, has written “The importance of listening and silence” (Amat editorial), a book in which he has the sole objective, in his own words, “to contribute to the revaluation of listening and silence as vital experiences.”
To begin with, the author talks about how speaking and listening are united actions, but in Western society «the act of speaking is given much more emphasis than that of listening correctly», And warns that it seems that,« by being silent, the messages reach our hatreds ». Nothing is further from reality. He points out that we live in a model of society in which a very talkative person is more likely to succeed than a reserved person, but it does not have to be a better virtue to have gifts for spoken communication, since listening is essential, so much so that, quoting Daniel Goleman and his book «Social Intelligence», assures that «the art of knowing how to listen is one of the main skills of people who have a high degree of emotional intelligence».
Tips for learning to listen
It could be said that we all know how to hear, but not listen. Alberto Álvarez Calero leaves some guidelines to be aware of what they tell us, and to be able to pay attention to it:
— Avoid any distraction (noises, interruptions …) that prevent us from paying the necessary attention.
— Park our feelings for a moment to be able to listen to the other objectively.
– While we listen, we must try to put aside our ideas irrational and habitual prejudices, both conscious and not.
It also talks about how we should educarnos to be able to listen, especially in a society like today’s in which noise, in general (all the bustle of social networks, programs, mobile phones and messages) not only does not allow us to listen well, but also to be silent. The author says that, to learn to listen, it is necessary to go through three processes: the pre-listening phase, in which from the earliest ages this must be encouraged; the listening phase, in which our ability is revealed; and the later phase, in which it is important to self-assess what difficulties we have had when listening. All of this requires effort, of course; «Listening to another person takes time. Comprehension is slow, because it forces not only to understand the words, but to decipher the code that accompanies the gestures, “he explains in the pages of the book.
The meaning of silence
«Silence can participate actively and meaningfully in a fact (…) to be silent, it is actually an authentic action. It happens when it must be remembered, and yet it is intended to forget; or when it is necessary to speak or protest and the person is silent “, the author introduces the second part of the book. It emphasizes the idea thate silence is not a passive gesture, but an active demonstration of its use and talks about how, like words it is not usually neutral, neither is silence.
He mentions three types: intentional silence, which occurs when the omission of sound has a specific intention or feeling; receptive silence, produced when the receiver listens carefully to the sender; and casual silence, that which is not wanted, and has no intention.
«Many people associate silence with stillness, but as a sometimes tense inaction. They understand silence as a gap that must be filled (…) dealing with him can be an uncomfortable experience», Says Alberto Álvarez Calero. But, although silence overwhelms us in this way, he assures us that this is “the antidote to the dispersed mind to which current life leads us.” It also speaks of inner silence, that which many times due to all the external activators that we have, we are not capable of cultivating. “Living with an excess of data makes the mind saturated and, therefore, the inner silence does not exist”, sure.
Educate in silence
Just as the author explains that listening should be educated, he also thinks the same about silence. He refers directly to the classrooms, where he considers that silence “has to be related to the harmonious climate that exists in it, and not because of the fact that as a rule it is necessary to be quiet by obedience” and adds that “the more possible the concept of silence than that of discipline ».
It is clear then, both the importance of silence as well as listening. “With listening, sometimes a person can be more influential than trying to convince an audience with words (…) silence can provide peace of mind in the face of a dispersed world”, concludes the author.
About the Author…
Alberto Alvarez Calero he is a conductor and composer. Graduated in Choir Conducting from the Manuel Castillo Superior Conservatory of Music in Seville, he also has a degree in Geography and History, a doctorate from the University of Seville and a full professor in the Department of Artistic Education of this University. He has published numerous articles in scientific journals and several books on music and education. For years he has been developing, both in the educational and artistic fields, an important work related to silence and listening.