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As children, some of us did not fit into the company of classmates, could not find a common language with the guys in the yard. Many still do not feel that they belong to any companies and communities. But is it scary? And what is the strength of the «white crows»?
Outcasts, losers, freaks, «white crows» … Representatives of this «flock» have a lot of names. But the common features are at least. Even if we try very hard, it will be difficult for us to find two «weirdos» that look alike. And it is in their talents, in their peculiarities, that their inner strength lies.
Pain familiar to everyone
People who find it difficult to find a common language with others often complain of loneliness. But not only this feeling rules their lives: they are well aware of shame, fear, a sense of guilt. Among our acquaintances, there will surely be someone who finds a common language with any interlocutor and feels at ease, even when he gets into a new company.
“But even such people are not really immune from feeling their own awkwardness, feeling like you are out of sync with the outside world. What can we say about those who face misunderstanding all their lives and experience communication difficulties, ”says Leon Seltzer, Ph.D. in psychology.
We assume that losers are such strange, eccentric creatures that are separated, like a glass wall, from everyone else. It seems to us that they — and only they! — Can’t communicate with others. But the experience of discomfort is not generally specific to a particular section of society.
In addition, this feeling is more influenced by social norms and unspoken rules that are not always consistent with our ideals. But the personal characteristics of a particular person do not play such a significant role.
The good news is that most grown-up «losers» leave insecurities far behind.
It turns out that in one way or another, in one or another period of life, each of us experienced in his own skin what it is to be an outcast. Sometimes we are simply not able to adapt to some patterns of right and wrong behavior in a particular community. We can differ from others in such a huge number of ways that how could it be otherwise?
Behavior, like appearance, is often deceptive, and a person tends to change. Those who today easily find a common language with others may have experienced severe difficulties in childhood. Someone admits that in his youth he was rarely invited to general parties. Someone says that his classmates bullied him. Adolescence is a time of vulnerability.
The good news is that most grown-up «losers» leave insecurities far behind, in childhood and adolescence. Such people, over the years, care less and less about how much their thoughts and behavior reflect the prejudices of the people.
Freaks: instructions for use
Not all so-called outcasts are the same. One part of them consciously tries to imitate the more “socially successful” people around them, while the other part does not try to change the situation at all. The latter, in spite of everything, demonstrate a huge reserve of courage and stamina. And these qualities help them to make a conscious choice of their own path. After all, courage and resilience are essential for someone who rejects cultural norms or does not obey the requirements of society.
Probably, these «tin soldiers» once also tried to change their behavior to please the «normal» society, before realizing that these attempts threatened their integrity. How to determine if you are the same eccentric, outcast, «black sheep»? You are most likely one of these interesting guys if:
- You are seriously passionate about something that is not of interest to most of those around you;
- You are sensitive and creative;
- Your few friends are like you;
- You are not anti-social, but tend to be introverted and generally like to be alone;
- You do not like gossip and idle chatter;
- You tend to worry;
- You try to show interest in others, but in general they do not fascinate you very much;
- You fight fiercely for every inch of your self-esteem (exactly until the moment when you realize that all your «features» are absolutely normal!)
We should remember that the term «inconsistency» — if we are talking about the way a person behaves — is very subjective. It is due to the specific cultural characteristics of those places, the community where we live. What is considered inappropriate behavior in the outback will not be perceived as such in a major city.
overcome alienation
Most of the so-called outcasts still make attempts to integrate into society, but, as a rule, quickly give up due to their indecision. However, usually people are disposed towards them, if not hostile, then at least wary: the characteristics of «eccentrics» can make ordinary people feel uncomfortable or even feel vaguely threatened.
But in general, any of us — even those who seem very, very strange to us — deserve to be treated kindly. The efforts of the «white crows», striving to conform to the norms, prevent them from being true to their «I». And this makes their struggle for their place in society not only useless, but also unfair.
After all, trying to conform to norms that are incompatible with their own nature makes «eccentrics» forget about the need to accept themselves. That is, to honestly admit to ourselves not only who we are, but also who we definitely are not. Even if you consider yourself an outcast, you should remember that you have just as much reason to be proud of yourself as others — despite the fact that the world is not yet willing or able to appreciate your uniqueness.
Strengths of strange people
“Perhaps the one who seems to us to be a “black sheep” is simply more aware of what exactly their life goals require. The realization of these intentions becomes the highest priority for these people,” thinks Leon Seltzer. But shouldn’t each of us strive for this? Losers have talents, and usually very unusual ones. It is important for them to come to terms with their own identity and realize their uniqueness, stop comparing themselves with others.
Of course, it’s great to be able to find a common language with those who are not like us. But this does not oblige us to hide our uniqueness or «perfect» it to such an extent that it makes us clones of some abstract others. Once «losers» are determined with the main goal in life, they stop attaching great importance to the fact that they cannot find their «pack».
Having sorted out their priorities, they can live the life that suits them. And do not hide your true face from others. When this happens, they no longer care if anyone wants to befriend them. Because they finally find their truest friends — themselves. After all, why would anyone decide that being the same as the rest is the right thing to do?