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Single mother: a difficult situation
In France, even if the traditional family model continues, unions are increasingly fragile. According to the latest INSEE survey, “Couples and families, 2015 edition”, conducted in 2011 with 121 men and 000 women, single-parent families are on the rise: there are twice as many as twenty years ago. And it continues to grow. They represented 16% of familiesin 1999 and rose to 20% in 2011. In 85% of cases, single parenthood is essentially maternal.
Mom solo: twice as many as twenty years ago
We are talking about single parent family for widowed, divorced or separated persons living and taking sole charge of one or more children under the age of 20. In the same category are found single mothers and divorced women whose ex-husbands pay child support. Some are more vulnerable than others, such as single mothers, on average younger and less educated than divorced mothers.
Why this increase? Brigitte Grésy, Secretary General of the Higher Council for Professional Equality between Women and Men, analyzes this increase by changing women’s expectations: “Analyzes show that in separations, most of the time, women are origin of departure. Since they started working, they have acquired financial autonomy that neither their mothers nor their grandmothers had. The latter remained in dysfunctional couples and “worked out”. ”
Today, 83% of women aged 25 to 49 work. But if women have acquired a certain autonomy, the company has not given them the means for their independence in terms of childcare and work organization. Women continue to perform 80% of household chores. An inequality that weighs heavily on mothers. “And yet, the idea of“ prince charming ”continues to thrive, continues Brigitte Grésy. We can no longer bear the frustration, and the disappointments are great. At the same time, we see people displaying increasingly ephemeral couples. “
Single-parent family: a falling standard of living
In 2012, the standard of living of single-parent families is 35% lower than that of couples with children. The separation leads to a drop in the standard of living for both members of the couple. You have to pay the rent, the heating, the food and the insurance on your own. But if in men, this loss is only 3% on average, it is 20% for women. 40% of mothers even find themselves below the poverty line, with less than € 11 per year.
The cause ? An inequality from the start. For equal work, women receive 20% less salary than men. At the birth of children, this gap widens further. 52% of women with at least three dependent children work part time. Except that they do not easily find a full time behind. “Women will sacrifice their professional careers for the benefit of children. Only 4% of men work part time and often because they have not found full time, ”continues Brigitte Grésy.
Single-parent family: inequalities persist at work
Single-parent families are at a disadvantage in the labor market. They have a higher unemployment rate than other parents. They more often have “part-time work” (rather than “chosen”), accumulate fixed-term contracts and receive lower remuneration than the average for the French. The most “working poor” are found among single mothers. And social assistance is not always for them. Stéphanie says: “I win € 1. The social worker at work told me: “You are too rich to have help and too poor to live properly”. I finally understood that I was among the French who pay and who struggle. When my son was 300 years old, in February 3, I no longer had any help from CAF, and I felt it! As a result, I lived for seven months on € 2015 per month. All the while, I had the constant anxiety of being in the red in the middle of the month. “
Housing too small for single-parent families
Single-parent families also have more difficult housing conditions than others. According to‘study Efigip from December 2011, they are mainly tenants and are over-represented in social housing. They often live in so-called overcrowded housing, that is, housing with one or two rooms missing. 10% of single-parent families thus share their home with a parent (mother, father, sister, etc.), most often inactive or in difficulty in the labor market. Stéphanie recounts this financial galley, which sometimes gave her a cold sweat: “I separated from the father when our child was 6 months old. I found a T2 in Nantes at 490 €. I knew I couldn’t get better at this price. Fortunately there was help from family, friends and colleagues for the furniture! I was able to put my baby in his room. I sleep on the sofa bed… with the noise of the fridge! ”
Last (bitter) icing on the cake, mothers of single-parent families find a companion less quickly than separated fathers. 55% of men are in a relationship again less than five years after separation, while women are only 45%. And the gap is widening over time. Fifteen years after the separation, only 25% of men against 36% of women have not re-united. Why ? “If the children are small, men have less custody, they do not have dependent children. They can therefore go out, are available for new encounters. In the seduction market, women experience strong social inequality. Those with one or two children are less sought after than single women. Men will find women younger than them. On the other hand, not very many of them are looking for a woman older than them, with several dependent children! », Analyzes Brigitte Grésy.
Stéphanie testifies: “On weekends, I am so tired from my week, between races, daily management, the stress of work, etc. that on Friday night, I can’t go out. At 20 pm, I’m already in bed! I have Saturdays left to see the girlfriends and maybe meet love. But the latter is not easy too! When you have a child (and therefore there is a daddy present), it is not easy for many men. Obviously, there are dating sites, but ditto, you have to find time to meet. I’m already no longer doing sports because of fatigue and my work schedules, so time for a man… Yet that would do so much good! “
Single-parent family: the father must be involved from birth
To help single-parent families, the government has been experimenting since the end of 2014 in 20 departments with the “guarantee against unpaid maintenance payments” (Gipa). If the parent does not pay his due pension, the CAF pays a family support allowance (ASF) to the single-parent family. It is up to CAF to then recover this amount from the defaulting parent. Along the same lines, in 2014 the National Assembly adopted a bill – awaiting passage to the Senate – which should recognize alternate residence: “as a method of exercising parental authority”. A measure that would help women to no longer be alone in caring for children.
Brigitte Grésy advises set up this egalitarian sharing from the start of a relationship : “From the moment of planning a child, it is important to establish parental“ co-responsibility ”. If the child is sick, it is also up to the father to take a day off. It is up to him to pick up the children on certain evenings. We cannot share everything equally, but here we are really far from equality. Women must push men to take full responsibility. Women’s work has long been a reality. Now, we must go further, and ask for the sharing of family tasks. No one is going to give it to them! “Words that should resonate with all couples, because you never know what the future holds.