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Multiple nocturnal awakenings: at what age is a baby’s restless sleep adjusted?
« My 3 year old son has woken up almost every night since he was born. As long as he didn’t get out of bed, he was crying and calling us. Now he comes to our room around 4 am, asks for his milk or waits for us to put him back to bed. We sometimes have the impression that he just wants to check that we are there. Like Alicia, many parents know the ordeal of interrupted nights of screams and tears, where baby wakes up screaming. Fatigue accumulates day by day and exasperation inevitably grows.
Sleep problems are part of a child’s normal development. But when they become recurrent and hamper family and married life, they acquire a pathological dimension. In theory, a toddler’s sleep can be adjusted gradually between six months and a year.But some children continue to wake up several times during the night beyond 12 months. What to do with a child who cries, asks for a drink, slips into the marital bed every night? Parents are often destitute: “ We have tried everything, nothing works. She gets up no matter what. I hope the school will put it all back in order Emilie sighs.
Why does baby cry and wake up screaming?
Reflux, teething, otitis … In 20% of cases, multiple awakenings are linked to an organic cause that prevents the child from sleeping well. However, most of the time it is behavioral problems. Like adults, children wake up several times during the night. ” In children, sleep cycles do not exceed 60 minutes, explains Dr Frédérique Aussert, a doctor specializing in sleep disorders within the Morphée Network. At the end of each period, they will wake up very briefly and then go back to sleep. The one who did not asleep all alone will have a much harder time dealing with nocturnal awakenings. He will need the intervention of the adult to help him fall back to sleep. »
Other factors are likely to cause incessant awakenings. In the Oedipal period, they are sometimes a way for the child to prevent his parents from reuniting. He can’t stand that the couple exist without him. Furthermore, a child who is used to asking his parents all day long will be tempted to do the same at night. The layout of the space plays an important role: a badly placed bed, a non-existent play area … Baby must be at ease in his environment to sleep peacefully. The accumulation of changes in a baby’s environment (birth of a youngest, moving, resumption of the mother’s work, death in the family, etc.) can also create a feeling of insecurity in the child which will affect their sleep.
What to do when baby wakes up at night?
The children are sponges : They feel their parents’ emotions and sometimes feel responsible for their worries. ” In many of my consultations I have heard parents recount their anxieties and bring up old wounds., observes psychologist Lyliane Nemet-Pier. And a few days later the child no longer woke up at night ». It’s important to put words on the sufferings, especially when they arrive within the family. This mother of two knows a thing or two about it. ” Our couple had been going badly for months. From the day I found out my husband was cheating on me and we made the decision to go our separate ways, our 16 month old son slept through the nights. »
Very often we also come home exhausted in the evening and are not sufficiently available for our toddlers. Caught up in everyday obligations (bathing, eating, cleaning, etc.), we do not allow ourselves a moment of respite and relaxation with our babies. ” In this frantic race, the child does not meet his parents and does not receive his dose of affection yet essential before the long separation of the night », Says Lyliane Nemet-Pier. Likewise, a child who is put to bed quickly without a reassuring ritual will have more difficulty falling asleep. The return home should be a moment entirely dedicated to each of his children. “ I advise parents when they come home to sit down for even 10 minutes to play, talk to their baby.
How many times does a baby wake up in the night?
There is no straightforward path in the face of the difficulties of the night. But systematically taking your child in his bed, giving him a bottle of milk or lying next to him, does not seem to solve sleep problems all the time, or in the long term: ” doing so strengthens the symptom and creates conditioning, insist Lyliane Nemet-Pier. The baby will wake up especially since he knows what he is going to get. »In case of multiple nocturnal awakenings therefore, more than eight times a night before three months and five times up to two years, ” it is better to reassure your child, then explain to him that the night is not over and that mum and dad don’t want to be disturbed », Suggests the psychologist. Let us also be vigilant about the possibility that these nocturnal awakenings hide a bigger problem.
Sleep disorders are best resolved, on average, by wondering about what happens during the day. ” A child who has spent an active day, who has had discussions with his parents, will more easily accept going to bed », Emphasizes Dr Frédérique Aussert. Eating a meal in a calm atmosphere without a television can help fall asleep because children who are too busy with images have a harder time finding themselves afterwards all alone in their bed, facing themselves. The bedtime ritual is a key moment because it allows the little one to evacuate his anxieties. A story, a hug, a dim light, sometimes it doesn’t take much more. ” Le ritual does not have to be shipped, but it has a beginning and an end ». And when it is finished, it is sometimes better to leave the room even if it means to come back if the child calls us back. ” The more we stay next to him at bedtime, the more we give him as a message that the night is terrifying and that he cannot immerse himself in it alone., analyzes the psychologist. Growing up, the child must learn to face this long separation of the night in an autonomous way. »
* Lyliane Nemet- Pier is the author of “This child who does not sleep …” and “To love his children without letting oneself be devoured” by Albin Michel
* The Morphée Network is a health center dedicated sleep disorders and their managemente