These two concepts are easy to confuse, but the difference between them is huge. How to distinguish one from the other? What is worth striving for, and what quality is better to get rid of? Psychiatrist and philosopher Neil Burton shares thoughts that help you look inside yourself and, perhaps, understand yourself better.
Some of us find it much easier to become self-confident than it is to gain true self-respect. Constantly comparing ourselves to others, we make an endless list of our abilities, achievements and victories. Instead of dealing with our own shortcomings and failures, we hide them behind numerous certificates and prizes. However, an extensive list of abilities and achievements has never been either sufficient or necessary for a healthy self-esteem.
We continue to add more and more points to it in the hope that one day this will be enough. But in this way we are only trying to fill the void inside ourselves — with status, income, property, relationships, sex. This continues year after year, turning into an endless marathon.
«Confidence» comes from the Latin fidere, «to believe». Being self-confident means believing in yourself — in particular, in your ability to successfully or at least adequately interact with the world. A confident person is ready to take on new challenges, seize opportunities, handle difficult situations, and take responsibility if things go wrong.
Undeniably, self-confidence leads to successful experiences, but the opposite is also true. It also happens that a person feels more than confident in one area, such as cooking or dancing, and not at all confident in another, such as math or public speaking.
Self-esteem — our cognitive and emotional assessment of our own importance, significance
When confidence is lacking or lacking, courage takes over. And if confidence operates in the sphere of the known, then courage is needed where there is uncertainty that inspires fear. “Let’s say I can’t be sure that I will jump into the water from a height of 10 meters until I have the courage to do it at least once,” psychiatrist and philosopher Neil Burton gives an example. “Courage is a nobler quality than confidence, because it requires more strength. And also because a courageous person has limitless abilities and possibilities.
Self-confidence and self-esteem don’t always go hand in hand. In particular, you can be very confident in yourself and at the same time have low self-esteem. There are many examples of this — take at least celebrities who can perform in front of thousands of spectators and at the same time destroy and even kill themselves by using drugs.
«Respect» comes from the Latin aestimare, which means «to evaluate, weigh, count». Self-esteem is our cognitive and emotional assessment of our own importance, significance. It is the matrix by which we think, feel and act, react and determine our relationship to ourselves, others and the world.
People with healthy self-esteem do not need to prove their worth to themselves through external factors such as income or status, or rely on crutches in the form of alcohol or drugs. On the contrary, they treat themselves with respect and care about their health, society and the environment. They can fully invest in projects and people because they are not afraid of failure or rejection. Of course, they also suffer pain and disappointment from time to time, but failures do not harm them or reduce their significance.
Because of their resilience, self-respecting people remain open to new experiences and meaningful relationships, are risk tolerant, enjoy and enjoy easily, and are able to accept and forgive—both themselves and others.
About the author: Neil Burton is a psychiatrist, philosopher, and author of several books, including The Meaning of Madness.