Contents
- 1. Return to work after baby: we think of ourselves
- 2. We divide the mental load by two
- 3. We anticipate the organization with a sick baby
- 4. Return to work after baby: let the dad get involved
- 5. We let go… and we stop checking everything after the father
- 6. Return to work after baby: between parents, we divide the tasks
- 7. We review the order of our priorities
- 8. Return to work after baby: preparation for separation
- 9. We reason collectively
Only a few days left before resuming work, and a hundred thousand questions in mind! How will the separation go with the baby? Who will keep him if he’s sick? What about household chores? Here are the keys to getting started on the right foot and not running out of steam before you even start!
1. Return to work after baby: we think of ourselves
Reconciling the life of a woman, a wife, a mother and a working-girl means being in good physical and mental shape. However, it’s not easy to take time with such a busy schedule. “The most important thing is to be convinced of the value of thinking about yourself. Learning to manage your energy allows you to limit fatigue and thus be more patient and attentive to your loved ones, ”explains Diane Ballonad Rolland, coach and trainer in time management and life balance *. She advises, for example, to take a day of RTT without your child, just for yourself. Once a month, you can also go for a drink in a tea room, alone. We take this opportunity to take stock of the past month and the one to come. And we see how we feel. “You put consciousness back into your daily life and stay connected to your desires”, argues Diane Ballonad Rolland.
2. We divide the mental load by two
Even though dads are doing it more and more and many of them are as concerned as us moms there is nothing to do, often carry on their shoulders (and in the back of their heads) everything what to manage: from the doctor’s appointment to mother-in-law’s birthday, including registration at the crèche… With the resumption of work, the mental load will increase. So, let’s take action! No question of carrying everything on his shoulders! “Once a week, on Sunday evening for example, we make a point with our spouse, on the schedule of the week. We share information to mitigate this burden. See who manages what, ”suggests Diane Ballonad Rolland. Are you both connected? Opt for Google Calendar or applications like TipStuff which facilitate family organization, make it possible to draw up lists …
3. We anticipate the organization with a sick baby
In the facts, eleven pathologies lead to exclusion from the community : strep throat, hepatitis A, scarlet fever, tuberculosis … However, attendance may be discouraged in acute phases of other diseases. If your baby is sick and the nursery or the nursery assistant cannot accommodate it, the law grants employees in the private sector three days of sick child leave (and five days for children under 1) upon presentation of a medical certificate. So we find out, our collective agreement can also give us more. And it works for both dads and moms! However, this leave is not paid, except in Alsace-Moselle, or if your agreement provides for it. We also anticipate by seeing if relatives can exceptionally babysit.
And solo mom… how do we do it?
It is out of the question to take on the role of father and mother with exorbitant demands. We focus on what seems most important to us. We cultivate our network as much as possible: family, friends, nursery parents, neighbors, PMI, associations… In the event of divorce, even if the father is not at home, he has his role to play. Otherwise, we try to include men in our relational circle (uncle, papi…).
Finally, we really take care of ourselves and we recognize our own qualities. “Be in the moment. For three minutes, recover, breathe gently, connect with yourself to rejuvenate. In a “gratitude notebook,” write down three things you did that you thank yourself for. And remember, your little one does not need a perfect mother, but a mother who is present and who is well, ”recalls the psychologist.
4. Return to work after baby: let the dad get involved
Is the daddy in the background? Do we tend to manage the house and our little one more? With the return to work, it’s time to get things right. “He’s the child of the two!” The dad must be as involved as the mother, ”says Ambre Pelletier, maternal coach and clinical psychologist. To get him to take matters more in his own hands, we show him our habits to change baby, feed him… We ask him to give him a bath while we do something else. If we give him space, he will learn to find it!
5. We let go… and we stop checking everything after the father
We like that the diaper is put on like this, that the meal is taken at such and such a time, etc. But our spouse, he proceeds in his own way. Amber Pelletier warns against the urge to come back behind dad. “Better to avoid judging. It is the best way to hurt and upset. If the dad is doing something he’s not used to, he’ll need recognition to boost his self-esteem. By criticizing him, he risks simply giving up and participating less. You have to let go! », Warns the psychologist.
Daddy’s Testimony
“As my wife was breastfeeding and suffering from baby blues, I took care of the rest: I changed the baby… did the shopping. And for me it was normal! ”
Noureddine, dad of Elise, Kenza and Ilies
6. Return to work after baby: between parents, we divide the tasks
Diane Ballonad Rolland advises draw up a “who does what” table with our spouse. “Go over the different household and family chores, then note who does them. Each thus becomes aware of what the other is managing. Then distribute them more evenly. “We proceed by field of action: one will take Jules to the pediatrician, the other will take care of leaving the nursery …” Each one indicates the tasks he prefers. The most ungrateful will be distributed every other week between the parents, ”suggests Ambre Pelletier.
7. We review the order of our priorities
With the return to work, impossible to do as many things as when we were at home. Normal! We will have to review our priorities and ask the right questions: “What matters to you? Where is the essential? Don’t pass on emotional needs after shopping or housework. It doesn’t matter if the house isn’t perfect. We do what we can and it’s already not bad! », Declares Diane Ballonad Rolland.
We opt for a flexible organization, that adapts to our way of life. “It doesn’t have to be a constraint, but a way to make you feel good. You just have to find the right balance with your partner, without pressure, ”she adds.
8. Return to work after baby: preparation for separation
For several months now our daily life revolves around our baby. But with the return to work, separation is inevitable. The more it is prepared, the more it will be experienced gently by baby and by us. Whether it is looked after by a nursery assistant or in a nursery, an adaptation period (really necessary) will be offered to us to facilitate the transition. Also leave it from time to time, if possible, to the grandparents, your sister or someone you trust. Thus, we will get used to not being together constantly and we will be less afraid of leaving it for a whole day.
9. We reason collectively
We are not alone in assuming the return to work. Apart from our spouse, we do not hesitate to see our loved ones if they can support us on certain points. The grandparents may be available to pick up our little one some evenings at the nursery. Can our best friend babysit so we can spend a romantic evening? We are thinking of an emergency guard mode. This will allow us to return to work in a much more relaxed way. We also think of sharing networks between parents on the Internet, like MumAround, the association “Mum, dad and I are mothering”
* Author of “Magical timing, the art of finding time for oneself”, Rustica éditions and “Desire to be zen and organized. Turn the page”. His blog www.zen-et-organisee.com
Auteur: Dorothée Blancheton