Some people don’t get along well with their parents. There are many reasons for this, and we are not talking about them now. What can you do to improve your relationship with your parents?
- The most important condition: parents need to be loved and parents need to be taken care of. Treat the same as you would treat your children: with care, understanding, sometimes demanding, but soft.
Take care of your parents, so that they have enough of your attention. This is not so difficult: to call, find out how things are going, talk, send a text message, give flowers — all these are trifles and all this is pleasant for both you and them. Offer help and help where it would be difficult for parents without you.
It is hard for mom to drag bags with potatoes and buckwheat from the store. It’s better for you to do it.
- Work on your personal beliefs. Our parents don’t owe us anything. They gave us the main thing: the opportunity to live. Everything else depends on us. Of course, parents can, if they want, help us. We can ask them for help. But asking for help and support is superfluous.
- Establish physical contact. In some families it is not customary to hug each other. And relationships with bodily contact are always warmer than relationships without it. Accordingly, you need to slowly supplement the relationship with touches. At first, it should be simple, as it were, random touches. Mom is standing, say, in a narrow corridor, you suddenly needed to walk past her. And in order not to collide, you seem to push her away with your hand, while saying “Let me through, please” and smiling. So for a few weeks, then — it’s already just in conversation to touch with your hand when you thank or say something good. Then, after, let’s say, a little separation, a hug, and so on, until physical contact becomes the norm.
- Conduct conversations in a fun way: with enthusiasm, vivacity and humor (only humor is not on the parent, but on the situation or on yourself). In such a cheerful way to insert the necessary suggestions.
Tell me, dear parent, am I so smart in you? Mom, you bring up a lazy person in me: you can’t be such an embodiment of care! It’s always like this: I sketch — you clean it up. I really don’t understand what you would do without me! In our house, only one person knows everything: tell me mom, where is my phone …
- Start conversations on topics that are interesting for parents: how is it at work? what’s interestnig? Keep up the conversation, even if you are not very interested in it. If this is a TV show, ask around who you like best, what the show is about, who hosts it, how often it goes on, and so on. If it’s about work, then how are you, what did you do, and so on. The main thing is just to have a conversation, not to give advice, not to evaluate, but just to be interested. Keep the conversation on positive topics: what do you like? And who liked more? etc. To nullify complaints and negativity: either physically interrupt the conversation (only politely, remember that you need to call someone, write an SMS and so on), and then return it to a different direction (yes, what are we talking about. Since you did you go to a sanatorium?), or immediately transfer to a new topic.
- If there are quarrels, quarrels should be brought to naught as soon as possible. And to understand — later, when everything has cooled down. Clarify what mom doesn’t like, apologize for it. Even if it seems to you that you are categorically not to blame, by apologizing, you kind of give a behavior option for your parents: apologizing is normal. When you have apologized yourself, check if the apology is accepted. Most likely you will hear yes in response. Then we can add that two are always to blame for the conflict. You were wrong here and here (check again), but it seems to you that the parent was wrong here (it is important to say something that will be clear to the parent: for example, you don’t need to raise your voice at you. Or you don’t need to throw that.e .w when talking. And so on. Offer to apologize for this. Remind that you are also wrong, but you apologized. After waiting for an apology in any form, make up. Ideally, it’s better to go to different rooms for a while, and then do something together: eat, drink tea, etc.
- Get your parents involved in some activity. Let him go to a new store, see what clothes are sold there and buy himself something new (and you help organize this trip). Offer to do yoga (only first make sure that this is a really good fitness club, so as not to discourage any desire). Find out about the resort. Just don’t do everything yourself: let the parents do everything on their own, and you just help them wherever they need it. Find the address, explain how to get there, and so on. Give books that will help your parents to form a positive worldview, take care of their health, SPA sessions, massages, and so on.