Why is the baby attached to the mother from the first days? How is this thin thread of connection born? Is it important to always be with your child? Attachment theory answers these and other questions about the mother-infant relationship. Woman’s Day, after reading the book “Psychology” by Paul Kleinman, talks about the most beautiful feeling on Earth – love for a mother.
The psychologist John Bowlby, separated from his nanny as a child, experienced a real grief, comparable to the loss of his mother. He grew up in a family of aristocrats, and his own mother devoted no more than an hour a day to him: in high society they believed that manifestations of love spoil character. In addition, John was one of six children in the family, so there was not enough attention for everyone. He had no choice but to receive affection and care from the nanny, who quit when John was four. At the age of seven, he was sent to study in a closed school – he recalls this event as the most traumatic. Perhaps this is what influenced his scientific interests: he studied how separation from parents (or important caregivers) affects the development of the child.
Bowlby spent a lot of time researching affection. With his childhood experiences in mind, he was interested in how attachment affects a person, from early life to adulthood. He came to the conclusion that attachment is a feeling inherent in nature. Thanks to him, we survive in an unsafe world around us: attachment gives a sense of security. A child can do everything when there is a caring and responsible mother nearby.
The newborn develops a primary attachment to the mother. This happens in the first year of life. But if such a connection does not arise at all (for example, in orphans) or is quickly interrupted (when the mother, for some reason, can no longer be with the child), this deals a serious blow to the psyche of the little person. Emotional and social development is impaired. Sometimes even the intellect suffers.
If a child is not attached to anyone before the age of three, he will never learn this. As he grows up, he will have problems with others: it will be difficult for him to find friends and build love relationships.
It is critical that the baby is in parental care for six months to two years.
Separation from the mother or other important adult who cares for the child has dire consequences. They are much stronger than it was thought before Bowlby’s work was published. Maternal deprivation syndrome is a real mental disorder that occurs due to the separation of a child from a mother.
Symptoms are quite serious: depression, decreased intelligence, increased irritability and aggression. Often they are diagnosed with an emotionless disorder – this is a complete lack of a sense of remorse, an inability to experience deep emotions and attachment to people, an inability to control oneself, and chronic malice. Such children often become heroes of crime reports: there is no one to look after them, in addition, they have undeveloped sympathy and empathy. And people who do not understand the feelings of others, commit crimes in cold blood, completely not caring about the victim.
To confirm his theory, John Bowlby did an interesting study. It was attended by 44 minor thieves and their parents. A psychologist interviewed adults and found that more than half of juvenile delinquents were separated from their mothers at an early age. And many for more than six months. In the control group (it included 44 teenagers who had never been caught stealing) only two children experienced this.
In the group of thieves, as many as 32% of the participants suffered from emotionless disorder, and in the control group there was not a single such child. Bowlby concluded that the reason for antisocial behavior and juvenile delinquency is separation from the mother.
While Bowlby’s theory can be criticized for being inaccurate, it has had a huge impact on psychology. John Bowlby has created a new field of science in which research is very important for the education, upbringing and care of children – in the family, kindergarten, school and health care centers.