Parent-Adult-Child

Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) — typical intrapersonal roles (ego-states). They can also be conscious positions, see Position and ego-state

For a description of these intrapersonal roles in Eric Berne’s theory, see Ego-states in transactional analysis.

In order for a close relationship in a couple to be successful, every day both must be in each of these roles: to be both a Parent in relation to the Child, and a Child next to the Parent, and to be in an Adult-Adult relationship. If people don’t get that, they tend to value the relationship less and often look for that kind of relationship on the side, in a relationship with someone else.

Inconsistency (crossing) in transactions is one of the frequent causes of interpersonal conflicts. See Transactions

Most of the RAD literature already has its own established patterns describing the Parent-Adult-Child positions. In practice, each of these positions has many variations and styles. See →

Case from practice.

Received the following email:

Hello, uv. Nikolay Ivanovich! Thank you so much for your books and your work! Your editions of 93 and 94. at one time they made a great impression on me with the accessibility of presentation, clarity and clarity. Unfortunately, for many years I did not understand that simply reading tons of popular literature (even the most talented) does not change life if there is no daily practical work and self-observation. In the last year, I often watch your videos, lectures, interviews, and this helps me understand in which direction I need to move. Nikolai Ivanovich, please help me resolve the issue that has arisen in my path. In the process of introspection, I realized that a number of my problems come from a certain infantile beginning, the “child”, to whom I (to myself) gave the code name “Dyusha”, this is a capricious boy. Accordingly, there is also an adult responsible mentor «Papa-Vitya», who deals with agreements and reconciliation with «Dyusha» on a bunch of a wide variety of issues. Until recently, it was as if I did not separate “Papa Vitya”, in fact, from myself, and alienated only “Dyusha”, while, of course, accepting, forgiving and loving this child. But lately, I suddenly began to doubt whether I was going the right way. After all, it turns out that there should be 3 defendants, because to have an objective view of the relationship between those two, you need a third observer. Nikolai Ivanovich, if possible, tell me how it would be correct to count — Papa Vitya — this is me myself, i.e. my main self, controlling the child Dyusha in itself, or am I an observer of both?

Answered briefly:

I will suggest you to live easier. Live in the most primitive way, namely as Homo sapiens: a reasonable person. Do what is reasonable and right, and do not do what is stupid and not right. You have a head on your shoulders, you can’t confuse the main things. What difference does it make who or where your «a number of your problems» come from? Wherever or from whom they come, live well. And do not fool yourself with subpersonalities.