When the search for the “right” life partner comes to a standstill, women experience deep disappointment and ask questions about what is wrong with them, what they made a mistake. Social psychologist Madeleine Fougeres is sure that when we are looking for a partner for a strong relationship, we need to be aware of our instinctive impulses. It doesn’t hurt for women to know that the men they’re attracted to are generally not prone to long-term alliances.
What do we rely on when choosing a partner, the connection with which in the end turns out to be short-lived? What mistakes do we make and how can we avoid them? Here are some criteria.
1. Physical attractiveness
Not every one of us admits that the physical attractiveness of a potential partner is important to her. But the facts are clear: handsome men undoubtedly attract heterosexual women more, which is confirmed, among other things, by a study by American social psychologists Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick.
In part, this attraction is unconscious and has evolutionary roots: more masculine and symmetrical facial features indicate the good quality of the genes. We are also not left indifferent to other positive qualities that seem to go hand in hand with physical attractiveness. We are talking about a bright individuality and the ability of a person to lead an active life.
Still, for those looking for a long-term, stable relationship, it’s best to leave attractive men alone. Studies show that handsome men are more likely to cheat on their partners. In addition, they divorce more often, probably because they find it difficult to resist the opportunities that a new relationship promises.
2.Sexy voice
Women are often attracted to men with sexy voices. They tend to prefer deeper, masculine voices that are indicative of high testosterone levels. Moreover, women find men with a pleasant timbre more likeable and consider them more pleasant in character. At the same time, men themselves do not strive to live up to high expectations: they have more sexual contacts, they are more likely to cheat on partners with whom they are in long-term relationships.
Studies show that it is among men with deep sexual voices that there are especially many seducers who persuade women who are already married to infidelity. You should not consider these seducers as long-term partners.
3. Men in relationships
Heterosexual women are often attracted to men who are already in a relationship. This is called “copy mate selection”: if a man has received “pre-approval” from one woman, others begin to find him attractive too. Moreover, they give preference to those men who have girlfriends or mistresses, and not wives.
Why is it not a good idea to pursue a man who already has a partner if your main goal is a long-term relationship? If a man is ready to leave his beloved for you, then he will most likely do the same with you when a more interesting option appears.
Gaining more sexual experience will help to avoid this mistake. Experienced women are more confident in their choice of partner and do not feel the need to copy the choice of others.
Date the right men
If you’re aiming for a short-lived and intense romance, then a physically attractive man with a sexy voice might be the perfect partner. But for a strong long-term relationship, you should look for men in other ways. Mutual respect is more important for a successful long-term partnership.
More than love, it is correlated with the feeling of satisfaction from a permanent relationship, as well as honesty. Also, the more we get to know, love, and respect each other, the less important physical attractiveness becomes in maintaining a long-term relationship.
About the author: Madeleine Fougeres is a professor of social psychology at Eastern Connecticut University and the author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romance.