My child is in love

His first loves

3-6 years old: the age of first love

The first romantic idylls are born very early in children. “These feelings arise as soon as they start to be socialized, between the ages of 3 and 6. During this period, they are enamored of a love interest“, Specifies the child psychiatrist Stéphane Clerget. “When they enter school, they realize that they can feel love for people other than those who take care of them on a daily basis: parents, nanny… Before this stage, they are not turned away. than on themselves and their families. “

To fall in love, they must also pass the cape of the Oedipus complex and understand that they cannot marry their parent of the opposite sex.

6-10 years old: friends first!

“Between the ages of 6 and 10, children often put their love on hold. They focus on other areas of interest, their hobbies … Moreover, if romantic relationships take up too much of a place during this period, this could be done at the expense of the rest of the child’s development. Parents do not need to stimulate their offspring on this ground. We must respect this latency in love. ”

Manage the great love of our little ones

Feelings of great

“The first amorous emotions are very similar to those felt by adults, less sexual desire,” underlines Stéphane Clerget. “Between 3 and 6 years, these feelings constitute an outline, a true love inspiration, which is gradually being put in place. It is important not to put pressure on the children and not to project the adult experience on these loves. You should neither make fun of yourself nor be too passionate, which would encourage them to shut themselves up. ”

He multiplies the conquests

Does your toddler change both his sweetheart and his shirt? For Stéphane Clerget, he don’t give too much credit to these childish relationships. “It can happen that this expresses a family unease. One of my young patients suspected his father of having extramarital affairs and translated it so, but a child who changes lovers often will not be a womanizer later! If, on the contrary, your child never has lovers like his other friends, you must first ask if he has friends at school. It is the most important. If he is isolated, withdraws into himself, it will be necessary to act to help him communicate. On the other hand, if he does not have a lover because she is not interested in it, but he is sociable, there is nothing to worry about. That will come later… ”

The very first heartache

Sadly, no one escapes it. It is necessary take these sentimental sorrows seriously. As Stéphane Clerget explains, “protecting” children against heartache develops throughout education. “There’s no point in preparing them first. In fact, it is by finding limits to his omnipotence, from an early age, that the child is best prepared for heartache. If he is still used to being given everything to him, he could not understand that his lover no longer loves him, slows down his desires and would have a hard time getting over it. “

Explaining to children that you cannot force a little friend to play with you and that you have to respect the other’s choices is also essential. “When a child is faced with this situation, parents should talk to him, console him, promote him, place him back towards the future“, Specifies the child psychiatrist.

The first flirt

When entering college, things often get more serious. A child can lock himself in his room to chat for hours on the phone or on social media with his boyfriend. How to react ?

“Whether it is discussions with classmates or their boyfriend, parents must, while respecting their child’s privacy, limit the hours spent in front of the computer or on the phone. It is important for its development. The adults must help him to devote himself to something else. “

The first kiss takes place around the age of 13 and represents a step towards adult sexuality. But in this society where adolescence is more and more sexualized, should we associate first flirtation and first sexual relationship?

“Parents need to educate their children and build a framework. It is important to prepare young people for their future sex life, while stressing that the sexual majority is at 15 years old, and that until they are more mature, they can flirt. “

Fear of bad influences, excesses… parents don’t always like boyfriends…

“If it’s because you don’t like her look, just don’t give too much importance to your first relationships,” explains Stéphane Clerget. “Parents, on the other hand, need to be polite and respectful of their boyfriends. In any case, if they don’t like him, it is best to welcome him to get to know him, to meet his parents. Getting in touch with him is the best way for adults to control and see what’s going on. ”