Contents
Childbirth under X: the testimony of a midwife
Héloïse X. appeared, in the middle of a winter night, on the threshold of the emergency room door. She seemed cold and strained by contractions that barely gave her time to breathe. She had diaphanous skin and worried eyes. She was young, barely eighteen, maybe twenty, at most. It was “Heloise”, because it was a first name that a high school friend had that looked like her. It was “X.” because Heloise had decided to give birth in secret. I never knew his identity.
The meeting is simple. Very quickly, words …
– I have contractions, this is my first child and unfortunately I have no choice but to give birth under X. I am afraid, very afraid, of everything. She is unknown to our motherhood, she was not followed for her pregnancy. She tried, but no one, as a liberal, wanted to listen to her. She did not have the chance to ring at the right doors. No care accepted without identity, just an ultrasound dating at the beginning of pregnancy at family planning. She tells me that she thinks everything is fine, that her baby is moving all the time and that her belly has grown a lot. She noticed the pregnancy at four and a half months, too late for voluntary termination of pregnancy in France. She was offered to go to Spain but she did not want to make disappear this future baby that she had ended up feeling moving, who “had the right to his luck too”. The cervix dilates quickly, she doesn’t want an epidural. She blows, she takes a bath, I massage her, she is eager for all my advice and applies it. She wants her baby to be okay at all costs. Labor lasts four hours, which is not much for a first delivery.
Héloïse cannot hold back her tears
We are discussing with broken sticks. She tells me about the circumstances of the conception:
– I was really in love with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two months, we called each other all the time. We were in the same college. It was my first love. One day, I forgot my pill, only once Anna, I swear to you, do you believe me?
Yes of course I believe her.
– I think that’s why I got pregnant. In short, he left me for another, his age, and told me that I had never really meant to him. Three months after our breakup, I realized that I was pregnant thanks to a doctor who was to give me a certificate for tennis. There had been only him. I tried to contact him many times, but never succeeded. This baby is the fruit of sincere love. I loved this guy, damn what I loved him.
Héloïse cried, cried a lot. She doesn’t want to tell me about her family, her background. I just see that she is a very beautiful young woman with stunning hazel eyes that lighten up when she hurts, wavy hair that she tames with a pen. She is elegant, she wears beautiful suede shoes, a camel-colored leather bag and a pretty thick wool duffle coat. She doesn’t want to leave anything in her file, especially not her identity. She refuses to allow this fleeting love to change the course of her life forever.
She tells him that she’s sorry for everything
She is scared, she says that she has the right to the same life as the father, that there is no reason for it to be different for her She adds that she is not autonomous, that her parents are very hard and would be thrown out onto the streets. We discuss together the suffering to come for her and her baby. I convince her to leave her medical history and a note for the baby. What she accepts. I also tell him that I myself write the story of his arrival, of our meeting, of everything that happens, to leave it in the file. I explain to her that in my opinion, this is part of my care as a midwife. She thanks me with emotion. The moment of birth came. Héloïse remarkably accompanied her child and concentrated all her energy to help him as well as possible. He was born at 4:18 am He was a beautiful little boy of four kilos, very awake. She immediately took him on her, looked at him, touched him and whispered words in his ear. She kissed him too, for a long time. She tells him that she was sorry for everything, but that she would rather imagine it in new parents than in a trash can in a Spanish hospital. I left them both, and they spent a good hour together. She gave him her first bottle. The one I baptized Joseph was so wise: not a cry, not a sound. Looks, glances, more glances. At 5:30 a.m., she called me. She had said goodbye to him.
It’s the start of a new life for him, she tells me
I took Joseph in my arms and gave him to a nurse who took him against her in a sling for the rest of the night. I knew, even if nothing assured, that they would never see each other again. I stayed with Héloïse who did not want to rest. She had a very bad stomach ache and kept complaining, even though she had nothing
said during labor. In the early morning, she decided to leave. In a corner of the room, she had left a note for the baby’s file. In addition to her background, she gave her physical description and that of her boyfriend: “We were both tall, we have brown eyes, wavy hair, we looked alike, it seems we made a very beautiful couple. . ” Other words too: “I love you, my little guy, but life has made some weird choices.” You fought to come and I let you. Don’t worry, you will have great parents and I hope for a good life. ” At the bottom of the day, she left as she had come. I never saw Héloïse again. I said goodbye to Joseph five days after his birth, before he left for the nursery. Maybe I’ll see him again? It seems that happens. I hope he will be happy. Héloïse never retracted. Joseph was adopted two months and a few days after his birth. And I have no doubt that he makes his parents happy.
Lire aussi : Immerse yourself in the extraordinary daily life of a midwife
Find other moving and surprising births, other stories, other couples, in Anna Roy’s book “Welcome to the world. Confidences of a young midwife ”, published by Leduc.s, € 17.