The soloist of the cult group “Mirage” Margarita Sukhankina now knows what the real meaning of life is. She became a mother. Margarita saw her sister and brother from Tyumen – 3-year-old Lera and 4-year-old Seryozha on the air of the program “While everyone is at Home”. Marguerite knew at once that she had found the people she had dreamed of. And adopted children. The singer said that she considers the main thing in raising children, how children have changed themselves and changed her, and that everyone can help orphans.
What do you think, when people start to think about family values, about what they will leave behind?
This happens in adulthood, after 30 years, when a person already has experience behind him, there are successes or failures of childbearing. I believe that if a person is physically, morally and financially responsible, then he can and should help those who for some reason live worse.
Thank God that it has become easier to adopt a child in our country. After all, it used to be some kind of mystery, covered in darkness. Many years ago, a friend of mine – I won’t mention her name – decided to adopt a baby. She had to overcome a lot of obstacles, she paid crazy money to someone. Now the country does not lie about what our crops are, but says that we have such and such problems, there are abandoned children.
Why do we have so many vermin and foundlings?
I understand perfectly well that everything depends on the people themselves. From all of us. Normal people raise children, raise them, and in completely different situations. The main thing is that there is love, there is desire. And in completely different financial conditions, individuals grow up. Against this background, there are other parents. They drink, use drugs. They don’t care about anyone or anything. Here is the biological mother of my children giving birth to babies and abandoning them in the hospital. And so it has been several times.
And when you know that there are abandoned children, orphans, then there are thoughts and a desire to somehow help them. I talked to the adoptive parents, we talked about it. When you know that there are children who also want to live in a family, smile, be happy, know what mom and dad are, what comfort is, a clean bed — they really want to help children in this situation, to give care and comfort.
Your personal experience: how did you decide that you would adopt children? How did this wish come about and when did you clearly decide to fulfill it?
I already thought about it 10 years ago. I thought something like this: “Everything is great for me, my career is developing, I have a house, a car. And then what? Who will I give all this to?” But I had health problems – I had a major operation two years ago. All this time I lived on painkillers, I felt very bad.
And then I just went to church and when I stood at the icon before the operation, I promised that if I survived, the operation would go well, I would take the children. I have long wanted children, but I knew that I could not cope – I had very severe pain. And after the operation, after she took the oath, she came to life abruptly.
The operation went great, I immediately began to work closely on the adoption. We talked it over with Mom, then we told Dad. Without my parents, I couldn’t have done it alone. We are all always there. Many people tell me: you’ll be hiring nannies soon, and there’s no other way to go on tour. But my parents take care of the children in my absence. And so far, I am not ready to let any strangers into my home, into my family. Thank God, there are parents, they help me.
Did your friends or acquaintances react to your action in any way?
When it became known that I had two babies, many famous people called me. And among them there were many familiar artists who said: “Margarita, well done, now in our regiment has arrived!”. I didn’t even know that there were artists who adopted babies and raised them as their own children. And I am very glad that there are many of them, that they supported me. I was very pleased to realize that our show business lives not only with concerts, tours and photo shoots.
Artists understand that all this concert life passes, you look back-and there’s nothing there… And it’s scary! I don’t want some unfamiliar people to share your jewelry after your death, as it was with the late Lyudmila Zykina. The values are not in this — not in gold, not in money, not in stones.
Your children — how did they change after you became a mother to them?
They have been with me for 7 months — they are completely different, home-made children. Of course, they are naughty and play around, but they know what is good and what is bad. At first, when I first had them, I heard the words “I will leave you”, “I do not love you”.
Now it’s not there at all. Seryozha and Lera understand everything, listen to me and my parents. For example, I say to Seryozha: “Don’t push Lera. After all, she’s your sister, she’s a girl, you can’t hurt her. You must protect her.” And he understands everything – he gives her his hand and says: “Let me help you, Lerochka!”.
We draw, sculpt, read, swim in the pool, ride bicycles, play with friends. We communicate with both children and adults. Children will learn that you can give each other gifts, share with friends, exchange toys. And if before they were categorical, now they learn to give in, listen, offer a solution, discuss it together.
And what changes have happened to you personally?
I became softer, calmer. I am told that I smile more often now. That’s how I teach the children, and the children teach me. We have a mutual process. My parents say that children are amazingly forgetful, they have kind hearts. Sometimes I’ll punish you, then we’ll talk together, they immediately wind everything up. Then they run to hug and kiss, saying that they love me very much, and my grandmother, and grandfather, and each other. We have no hidden threats. I always tell them that I only punish them because I love them. Because I want them to really understand that when they grow up, they will communicate with other people-different people. They will not feel sorry for anyone, nor stand on ceremony. And we must be prepared for this. And I also teach you that you should be responsible for your own actions.
What is the most difficult thing in raising a child, in your opinion?
The most difficult thing is to earn trust – I am very afraid that children may have secrets from us. I believe that children should feel love, then there will be trust. And this is very important.
What, in your opinion, is the main reason and solution to the problem of orphanhood in Russia?
It is necessary to solve the problem of orphanhood in the same way as in difficult years: to throw a cry. Call people to orphanages, so that children are taken to families. After all, there is nothing better than a family. Of course, there are moral freaks who take children, and then beat them themselves, take out their complexes on them. But such terrible adoptive parents should be immediately eliminated by psychologists and social workers.
In any case, do not be afraid that the child will be bad, will throw at you with a knife or something else. Watching my children, I understand that there are no bad children. There is an environment in which they grow. And when the adoptive parents say: we took the child, and he throws himself at us, which means that they also missed something. Children do these things when they are defending themselves.