Before talking about man-woman friendship, we must first define friendship, this notion that we have used since our childhood. By confining oneself to Western culture, it can be considered as a voluntary relationship between 2 individuals which is not based on social or economic interest, kinship or sexual attraction. Reciprocal acceptance, the desire for dating, the intimacy that binds the 2 people, trust, psychological or even material support, emotional interdependence and duration are all elements that make up this friendship.

Until a few decades ago, friendship between a man and a woman was considered impossible or illusory. We considered her to be a hidden form of sexual or romantic attraction.

The main issue in consolidating a friendship between girls and boys is based on social differentiation of both sexes, present from birth. It is this same separation which would be at the origin of the constitution of the sexual identity and the social roles corresponding to each sex. As a result, girls and boys are drawn to different activities and incorporate specific types of interactions that hinder the creation of a man-woman friendship.

It has long been considered that women maintain their friendships through discussions, confidences and sentimental intimacy while men tend to grow closer through common activities. But in recent years, new studies have shown that these trends are seriously eroding, with women increasingly wanting to approach each other during joint activities, and men more revealing their feelings.

Managing sexual attraction is the sore point of intersex friendship. Indeed, 20 to 30% of men, and 10 to 20% of women recognize the existence of an attraction of a sexual nature within the framework of a friendly relationship between men and women.

Studies show that men are more often attracted to their friends of the opposite sex. This could be explained by the fact that the social role of the man would justify a claim of the more important sexual factor or by the image of the woman returned by our company. Other authors, like Rubin, believe it is due to the inability of humans to perceive the meaning of the clues of the intimacy that binds them. In other words, the man would misinterpret the yet friendly signs of their friends.

Sexual attraction is a problem in man-woman friendship for several reasons:

• It would pollute the moral and social relationship which excludes physical contact in favor of psychic contact.
• It irremediably alienates the individuals who are affected and participates in the degradation of the relationship.
• It transforms the friendly relationship into an interested one, which is incompatible with the altruistic ideals of friendship.
• It promotes the appearance of a theatrical facet of the personality, brought into play to attract and seduce the other, reducing the authenticity, sincerity and spontaneity, essential to true friendship.

Researchers have shown that in the majority of cases, there is always a minimum of attraction between the two.

Most of them avoid reporting it, considering that the declaration would seriously compromise the beautiful friendship born between the two. This attraction could in particular bring into play the delicate feelings of exclusion and appropriation. 

Several studies have shown that men and women stand out on several links constituting friendship: centers of interest, sensitivity, mode of expression of feelings, codes of communication, particular way of being leading to a certain type of reaction or Behavior… Gender identity could be at the root of these profound differences.

However, it is obvious that two people are more likely to form a friendship if they have things in common. 

Men and women with opposite-sex friends claim that these relationships are less competitive than same-sex friendships, and less strained than relationships. We also note:

• Better knowledge of the opposite sex. The man-woman friendship seems to be able to promote the understanding of the opposite sex and its codes.
• In-depth knowledge of oneself. Friendship between men and women allows people to discover and exploit unknown aspects of themselves: we speak of “censored sensibilities”. 

“I think that with a woman, especially when there is also an attraction, even if she has never evolved into an affair or a sexual relationship, there is always this tendency to evolve into a sexual affair and that takes away immediacy, it takes away sincerity from the people concerned. And so that diminishes the true friendship ”. Demosthenes, 38 years old

« For a friendship between the two sexes to be realized, there must either have existed a short sexual relationship which did not succeed, or else it had never been discussed […] ». Paris, 38 years old