It is common for some parents to kiss their child on the mouth. Seeing nothing sexual in this act, they consider it a gesture of love towards her little one. Yet among childcare professionals, not all agree with this gesture, which may seem trivial, but which causes confusion in the role and duties of each.

Kissing a child other than his own on the mouth is inappropriate and disrespectful on the part of the child. It should be mentioned. But kissing your own child on the mouth is also a behavior to be avoided according to specialists.

Without alarming parents and making them feel guilty, psychologists simply recommend differentiating between the marks of filial affection that parents may have with their children, such as hugging, playing with the child on their knees, stroking their hair … with love gestures that the parent uses with their spouse, such as kissing the mouth.

According to Françoise Dolto, renowned child psychiatrist: “A mother does not kiss her child on the mouth, nor does a father. »And if the child plays with this idea, he should be kissed on the cheek and say to him: but no! I like you very much; I love him. Because he’s my husband or because he’s my wife. “

The kiss on the mouth has a symbolism. It is a gesture of love. The prince in snow white gives her a kiss on the mouth and not a kiss on the cheek. This is the nuance, and it matters.

On the one hand, it does not help the child to understand that adults should not allow themselves certain gestures with him, on the other hand, it blurs the message as to the different types of affection that exist.

Although the parent does not act with the aim of provoking any arousal, the mouth nevertheless remains an erogenous zone.

For specialists in the psycho-sexual development of children, the mouth is the first organ, along with the skin, through which the baby experiences pleasure on its own.

Faced with this opinion of child development experts, many parents, mostly mothers, call for respect for their behavior. They specify that this gesture is a bearer of tenderness and that it is a mark of natural affection coming from their culture.

Is this really a good argument? Everything suggests that these justifications are not valid and that the culture of kissing on the mouth does not exist in any tradition.

All over the world, children quickly find that lovers kiss each other on the mouth. Since they also know that it is lovers who make babies, some even come to think that this is how you make a baby. Confusion reigns.

To the question “At what age should we stop kissing children on the mouth?” “, The specialists are careful not to answer and specify that the kiss on the mouth is not necessary for the development of children and that parental love can be expressed in several other ways, just as a couple can demonstrate their love. -beyond the sexual relationship.

So parents allow their children to understand that there are different kinds of love. They prepare him for healthy interpersonal relationships.

It is also very important to respect the child who says he does not like to receive kisses on the mouth or to be attentive to his non-verbal behavior if he is too shy to say it: pursed lips, he turns his head away, he has a stomach ache or a chest pain, itching, nervous tics… all these signs can say a lot about the discomfort or the anguish that this forced intimacy can cause.

In order to prevent sexual assault, adults are responsible for explaining to children that only grown-ups are in love with grown-ups and that an adult who “acts in love” with a child is unacceptable. Since most victims know their abuser, it can become difficult for the child to tell the difference between a kiss that is acceptable and one that is not.

The liberation of the word of people abused as children shows how much these gestures are suffered by the child, who has no way of differentiating what is respectful or what concerns the well-being of the adult. It is also rare for a child to offer himself a kiss on the mouth to an adult. He was shown, or educated in this direction.

The specialists therefore insist on the fact that it is up to adults to ask themselves the question of “why does it make me happy to kiss my child on the mouth?” Where does this need come from ”. Without doing psychotherapy, you can simply observe the habits transmitted by your own family and be accompanied during a session, by a psychologist or a parenting counselor in order to clarify things.

Not being alone with his questions and his guilt can also help show the child that the adult does not have all the answers and that sometimes he too must question some of his behaviors, in order to understand and be a good parent.