Obsessive rituals sometimes make our life difficult and unpredictable. How to get rid of the voice dictating to us how many times we need to wash our hands and check if the iron is turned off?
The games that the mind plays with us sometimes cause a lot of inconvenience. Anxious, obsessive thoughts greatly affect our lives. Even visiting us from time to time, they make us doubt: “Is everything okay with me if I imagine this?”
Worried voices in my head tell me, just in case, to dig up my bag on the way to work (suddenly I forgot my pass), run back home – and if the iron is not turned off. Or constantly wiping your hands with antibacterial wipes (although in a pandemic this habit does not seem so strange to anyone) so as not to catch a terrible disease.
“Even before the coronavirus pandemic, I was terribly afraid of getting sick,” Anna, 31, admits. – I wash my hands up to 30 times a day – as soon as I touch the table, the book, the child’s clothes, I immediately want to rush to the bathroom and almost rub them with a pumice stone. The skin on the palms and fingers has cracked for a long time, creams no longer help. But I can’t stop…
But don’t worry, most people suffer from it from time to time. Psychologist, specialist in obsessive-compulsive disorders Adam Radomsky (Canada), together with colleagues conducted a study on this topic. The team interviewed 700 students from all over the world, and 94% of those surveyed reported that they had experienced intrusive thoughts in the past three months. Does that mean they all need treatment? No. But you need to understand that such unpleasant thoughts cause not only anxiety, but also feelings of disgust and shame.
Trouble, start!
Usually, anxious thoughts are not threatening, says psychology professor Stephen Hayes (University of Nevada at Reno). Problems arise when we begin to take them literally or think that they are harmful in and of themselves. By “merging” with them, we begin to consider them as a guide to action. It’s one thing to remember that germs can cause disease, but take the idea lightly. And it is quite another to take a shower five times a day so as not to get sick.
Part of those who suffer from obsessive thoughts are also superstitious, notes Stephen Hayes. And even realizing that they think irrationally, they act under the influence of absurd ideas…
“I need to check three times whether I closed the door to the apartment,” says Sergey, 50 years old. – Exactly three, no less. Sometimes, having twisted the keys in the locks only twice, I forget about the third. I remember already in the store or in the subway: I have to go back and check again. If I don’t, it’s like the ground is slipping from under my feet. My wife suggested setting up an alarm – we did it, but this does not calm me down in any way … “
Acting out compulsions is still not completely useless: it helps to calm down here and now, frees from fear. We got home, checked the coffee maker and the iron – they are off, hooray! Now we know for sure that we have avoided a catastrophe. But because of this, we did not meet with friends, we were late for an important meeting.
Performing rituals takes time, and often spoils relationships with loved ones. After all, those who suffer from obsessive thoughts and actions often try to “attach” their partner to them. In addition, once it appears, the obsession or action tends to occupy more and more space in our lives. And you have to wash your hands more often, remove non-existent dust particles from your jacket, throw out the garbage, double-check the locks. We lose our peace of mind – and one day we understand that it cannot continue like this.
Of course, psychologists work better with such stories. But there are some things you can do to help you overcome intrusive thoughts and compulsions.
1. Deal with the voice that tells you what to do
When we are overwhelmed by obsessive thoughts, it seems as if an invisible dictator is ordering how and what to do. And if you do not follow the “recommendations”, the retribution in the form of anxiety and panic will come instantly. No matter how difficult it may be, try to distance yourself, look at these requirements as if from the outside. Who is talking to you? Why does it require an action to be taken immediately? Is it necessary to obey this voice – after all, you don’t even understand to whom it belongs?
You may be able to slow down before checking again to see if you have turned off the stove. Pause and try to live through the anxiety you are feeling right now. Treat unpleasant sensations with kindness and curiosity. Do not rush to do what you are used to doing. Remember that the voice in your head telling you to wash your hands is not yourself. Yes, he lives in your mind, but you do not belong to him.
By slowing down, by stopping yourself in the moment, you create a gap between the obsession and the action it requires of you. And thanks to this pause, the idea of performing the ritual again loses its strength a little, explains Stephen Hayes.
2. Change the script
By learning to stop, to pause between impulse and action, you can try to change the rules of the game. Create an “alternative scenario” – just don’t turn it into a new game, says Stephen Hayes. How to do it? If we are talking about the fear of germs, you can try at the moment when you are seized by the desire to urgently wash your hands, on the contrary, get them dirty in the ground.
In many cases, just do nothing. For example, stay in bed if you want to check again if you closed the door for the night. In general, you need to act exactly the opposite – contrary to what the “voice inside” requires. This will help to defend the right to live their own, independent life. Filled and happy – and even germs can’t stop you.