Here is another case of bedwetting. The boy is also 12 years old. The father stopped communicating with his son, did not even talk to him. When his mother brought him to me, I asked Jim to sit in the waiting room while we talked to his mother. From my conversation with her, I learned two valuable facts. The boy’s father urinated at night until the age of 19, and his mother’s brother suffered from the same disease until almost 18 years of age.
The mother was very sorry for her son and assumed that he had a hereditary disease. I warned her, “I’m going to talk to Jim right now in your presence. Listen carefully to my words and do as I say. And Jim will do whatever I tell him.”
I called Jim and said: “Mom told me everything about your trouble and you, of course, want everything to be fine with you. But this needs to be learned. I know a sure way to make a bed dry. Of course, any teaching is hard work. Remember how hard you tried when you learned to write? So, to learn how to sleep in a dry bed, it will take no less effort. This is what I ask you and your family. Mom said that you usually get up at seven in the morning. I asked your mom to set an alarm for five o’clock. When she wakes up, she will come into your room and feel the sheets. If it is wet, she will wake you up, you will go to the kitchen, turn on the light and you will start copying some book into a notebook. You can choose the book yourself. Jim chose The Prince and the Pauper.
“And you, mother, said that you love to sew, embroider, knit and quilt patchwork quilts. Sit down with Jim in the kitchen and silently sew, knit or embroider from five to seven in the morning. At seven his father would get up and dress, and by that time Jim would have put himself in order. Then you prepare breakfast and start a normal day. Every morning at five o’clock you will feel Jim’s bed. If it’s wet, you wake Jim up and silently lead him to the kitchen, sit down to your sewing, and Jim to copy the book. And every Saturday you will come to me with a notebook.”
Then I asked Jim to come out and said to his mother, “You all heard what I said. But I didn’t say one more thing. Jim heard me tell you to examine his bed and, if it’s wet, wake him up and take him to the kitchen to rewrite the book. One day the morning will come and the bed will be dry. You will tiptoe back to your bed and fall asleep until seven in the morning. Then wake up, wake up Jim and apologize for oversleeping.”
A week later, the mother found that the bed was dry, she returned to her room, and at seven o’clock, apologizing, explained that she had overslept. The boy came to the first appointment on the first of July, and by the end of July his bed was constantly dry. And his mother kept “waking up” and apologizing for not waking him up at five in the morning.
The meaning of my suggestion boiled down to the fact that the mother would check the bed and, if it was wet, then “you need to get up and rewrite.” But this suggestion also had the opposite meaning: if it’s dry, then you don’t have to get up. Within a month, Jim had a dry bed. And his father took him fishing — an activity that he loved very much.
In this case, I had to resort to family therapy. I asked my mother to sew. Mother sympathized with Jim. And when she sat peacefully next to her sewing or knitting, getting up early and rewriting the book was not perceived by Jim as a punishment. He just learned something.
Finally I asked Jim to visit me in my office. I have arranged the rewritten pages in order. Looking at the first page, Jim said with displeasure: “What a nightmare! I missed a few words, misspelled some, even missed entire lines. Written horribly.» We went through page after page, and Jim became more and more blurred with pleasure. Handwriting and spelling have improved significantly. He didn’t miss a word or a sentence. And by the end of his labors he was very satisfied.
Jim started going to school again. After two or three weeks, I called him and asked how things were going at school. He replied: “Just some miracles. Before, no one liked me at school, no one wanted to hang out with me. I was very sad and my grades were bad. And this year I was elected captain of the baseball team and I have only fives and fours instead of threes and twos. I just refocused Jim on his evaluation of himself.
And Jim’s father, whom I never met and who ignored his son for years, now goes fishing with him. Jim didn’t do well in school, and now he’s found he can write very well and rewrite well. And this gave him confidence that he could play well and get along with his comrades. This kind of therapy is just right for Jim.