Contents
Is it worth it to make an effort to equip a temporary home? Is it necessary to spend resources on creating comfort “here and now”, when we know that the situation will change after some time? Perhaps the ability and desire to create comfort for ourselves, regardless of the temporality of the situation, has a positive effect on our state — both emotional and physical.
When moving to a rented apartment, Marina was indignant: the faucet was dripping, the curtains were “grandmother’s”, and the bed stood so that the morning light fell directly on the pillow and did not let her sleep. “But this is temporary! — she objected to the words that everything can be fixed. “This is not my apartment, I’m here for a short time!” The first lease agreement was drawn up, as is usually the case, immediately for a year. Ten years have passed. She still lives in that apartment.
In search of stability, we often miss important moments that could change our life for the better today, bring more comfort to life, which in the end would have a positive effect on our mood and, possibly, well-being.
Buddhists talk about the impermanence of life. Heraclitus is credited with the words that everything flows, everything changes. Looking back, each of us could confirm this truth. But does this mean that the temporary is not worth our efforts, is not worth making it comfortable, convenient? Why is a short period of our life less valuable than a longer period of it?
It seems that many are simply not used to taking care of themselves here and now. Right today, afford the best — not the most expensive, but the most convenient, not the most fashionable, but the most useful, the right one for your psychological and physical comfort. Perhaps we are lazy, and we mask it with excuses and rational thoughts about wasting resources on the temporary.
But is comfort at every single moment of time so unimportant? Sometimes it takes a few simple steps to improve the situation. Of course, it makes no sense to invest a lot of money in the renovation of a rented apartment. But to fix the faucet we use every day is to make it better for ourselves.
“You should not go too far and think only about some mythical “later”
Gurgen Khachaturian, psychotherapist
The history of Marina, in the form in which it is described here, is fraught with two psychological layers that are very characteristic of our time. The first is the postponed life syndrome: “Now we will work at an accelerated pace, save up for a car, an apartment, and only then we will live, travel, create comfort for ourselves.”
The second is stable and in many respects Soviet patterns, patterns in which in the current life, here and now, there is no place for comfort, but there is something like suffering, torment. And also the unwillingness to invest in your current well-being and good mood because of the inner fear that tomorrow this money may no longer be.
Therefore, we all, of course, should live here and now, but with a certain look ahead. You cannot invest all your resources only in the current well-being, and common sense suggests that the reserve for the future must also be left. On the other hand, going too far and thinking only about some mythical “later”, forgetting about the present time, is also not worth it. Moreover, no one knows what the future will be like.
“It is important to understand whether we give ourselves the right to this space or live, trying not to take up much space”
Anastasia Gurneva, gestalt therapist
If this were a psychological consultation, I would clarify a few points.
- How are home improvements going? Are they made to take care of the house or themselves? If it’s about yourself, then it’s definitely worth it, and if improvements are made for the house, then it’s true, why invest in someone else’s.
- Where is the border between the temporary and … what, by the way? «Forever», eternal? Does that happen at all? Does anyone have any guarantees? It happens that rented housing “overtakes” its own in terms of the number of years lived there. And if the apartment is not your own, but, say, a young man, is it worth investing in it? Is it temporary or not?
- The scale of the contribution to the comfort of space. Weekly cleaning is acceptable, but wallpapering is not? Wrapping a tap with a cloth is a suitable measure for taking care of comfort, but calling a plumber is not? Where does this border lie?
- Where is the tolerance threshold for discomfort? It is known that the adaptation mechanism works: those things that hurt the eye and cause discomfort at the beginning of life in an apartment cease to be noticed over time. In general, this is even a useful process. What can be opposed to him? Restoring sensitivity to your feelings, to comfort and discomfort through mindfulness practices.
You can dig deeper: does a person give himself the right to this space or live, trying not to take up much space, content with what he has? Does he allow himself to insist on changes, to transform the world around him at his own discretion? Spending energy, time and money to make the space feel like home, creating comfort and maintaining a connection with the place of residence?
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Today, Marina’s apartment looks cozy, and she feels comfortable there. During these ten years, she had a husband who fixed the faucet, chose new curtains with her and rearranged the furniture. It turned out that it was possible to spend not so much money on it. But now they enjoy spending time at home, and recent circumstances have shown that this can be especially important.