We all have endless mental dialogues, not realizing how much their tone and content affect our state of mind and self-esteem. Meanwhile, relations with the outside world completely depend on this, recalls psychotherapist Rachel Fintzey. It is worth making friends with the inner voice — and then much will change for the better.
We spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with ourselves and have conversations with ourselves that greatly influence our feelings, actions and personal qualities. How do your internal dialogues sound? What tone do you hear? Patient, benevolent, indulgent, encouraging? Or angry, critical and derogatory?
If the latter, do not rush to be upset. You might be thinking, “Well, that’s who I am. It’s too late to change.» This is not true. Or rather, not quite so. Yes, it will take effort to change the minds of the «juries» sitting in your head. Yes, from time to time all the same annoying voices will be heard. But if you study the habits of «inner demons», it will become much easier to keep them under conscious control. Over time, you will learn to find words for yourself that will encourage, inspire, inspire confidence and give strength.
You can say to yourself: “I’m just not good for this” and finally give up. Or you could say, “I need to work on this more.”
Our emotions are entirely dependent on our thoughts. Imagine that you agreed with a friend to drink a cup of coffee, but he did not come. Let’s say you thought, “He doesn’t want to date me. I’m sure he’ll come up with some excuse.» As a result, you conclude that you are being neglected and take offense. But if you think: “He must be stuck in traffic” or “Something delayed him,” then most likely this situation will not hurt your self-esteem.
Similarly, we deal with personal failures and mistakes. You can say to yourself: “I’m just not good for this” — and finally give up. Or you can do it differently: “I need to work more on this,” and motivate yourself to double your efforts.
To find peace of mind and become more effective, try to change the habitual statements.
As a rule, our desperate attempts to resist circumstances or painful feelings only add fuel to the fire. Instead of fighting violently against an unfavorable situation, you can try to accept it and remind yourself that:
- «How it happened, it happened»;
- “I can survive it, even if I don’t like it at all”;
- «You can’t fix the past»;
- “What has happened is broadly to be expected given everything that has happened so far.”
Note that acceptance does not mean sitting back when you can actually make things right. It only means that we stop the senseless struggle with reality.
However, we can focus on the good by reminding ourselves of everything we are grateful for:
- «Who did something nice for me today?»
- «Who helped me today?»
- “Whom did I help? Who has become even a little easier to live?
- “Who and how made me smile?”
- “Thanks to whom do I feel my own importance? How did they do it?
- “Who forgave me? Who have I forgiven? How do I feel now?
- “Who thanked me today? What did I feel at the same time?
- «Who loves me? Who do I love?
- “What made me even a little happier?”
- “What have I learned from today?”
- “What did not work yesterday, but succeeded today?”
- «What gave me pleasure today?»
- «What good happened during the day?»
- “What should I thank fate for today?”
When we practice positive self-talk, our relationship with ourselves improves. This inevitably sets off a chain reaction: our relationships with others are getting better, and there are more reasons to be grateful. Make friends with the inner voice, its positive effect is endless!
About the Author: Rachel Fintzy Woods is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and specialist in psychosomatic disorders, emotion management, compulsive behavior, and effective self-help.