I hate being pregnant

Is it possible to be pregnant and hate it?

Contrary to what one might hear, pregnancy arouses conflicting feelings. It’s a test, a kind of identity crisis. All of a sudden, the mother-to-be must forget about her teenage body and the ordeal of transformation is sometimes difficult to bear. Women have to accept that they are no longer in control. Some are terrified to see their bodies transform like this.

Pregnant women also lose some freedom. In the third trimester, they have difficulty moving. They may feel uncomfortable in their body. The worst part is that they don’t dare talk about it, they are ashamed.

Why is this subject so taboo?

We live in a society where the cult of the body, leanness and control is omnipresent. The media coverage of motherhood shows only positive aspects of pregnancy. This must be experienced as a paradise. We impose enormous constraints and restrictions on pregnant women: we must not drink, smoke or eat what we want. Women are asked to be perfect mothers already. This “model on paper” is very far from reality. Pregnancy is a disturbing and strange experience.

Is it just the difficulty in dealing with the symptoms of pregnancy that may be the consequence of this condition, or can it be psychological?

All the psychic frailties that women have within them, that is to say the baby they were, the model of their own mother… we take all this in the face. I call it a “Psychic tidal wave”, everything that was lost in the unconscious is reactivated during pregnancy. This is what sometimes leads to the famous baby blues. After childbirth, women are offered cosmetic treatments, but no appointment with the psychologist. There is no not enough places to talk of all these upheavals.

What could be the consequences of such feelings towards her pregnancy?

There is no real consequences. These feelings are shared by all women, only, for some, it is extremely violent. You have to make the difference between not liking being pregnant, and the love that a woman can have for her child. There is no no connection between pregnancy and being a good mother. A woman may very well have horrible thoughts during her pregnancy and become a loving mom.

How can you like having children but not like being pregnant?

This is a question that touches on body image. However, pregnancy is an experience that makes us escape all control of the body. In our society, this mastery is valued, experienced as a triumph. This is why pregnant women live a trial of loss.

There is also an increasingly marked egalitarian movement between men and women. Some would like it to be their spouse carrying the baby. Besides, some men are sorry that they cannot do it.

What are the most recurring fears and questions among these women?

“I’m afraid of being pregnant” “I’m afraid of having a baby in my womb, like an alien” “I’m afraid of having my body deformed by pregnancy”. They have, most of the time, fear of being invaded from within and not being able to do anything. Pregnancy is experienced as an internal invasion. Moreover, these women are distressing because they are subjected to enormous constraints in the name of the perfection of motherhood.