We all understand from time to time that something needs to be changed in life, but … we don’t do anything. To justify our inaction, there are a lot of “weighty” reasons and arguments, and although we are not doing anything, strength and energy are getting smaller every day. Why is this happening and how to change it?
“I am tired of my own powerlessness. I understand with my head that something needs to be changed, but there is absolutely no strength to do at least something … ”For those who are familiar with this state, it will be useful to know that two habits can provoke it.
The first is the habit of patience. Wait until what hurts ends by itself, dissolves, leaves, dissolves, disappears. The second is the habit of hope. Shelving, until better times, in anticipation of a guiding star, a full moon, a miracle.
In both the first and second cases, the person actually refuses to fulfill his desire. Let’s see how it works and what to do about it.
When we make a promise to ourselves to do at least something to change the usual course of life, but we don’t do anything, our promise is placed in a cell of the unconscious that needs to be kept active: remind ourselves, make plans for implementation, make promises again, blame yourself for not doing it — and further in a circle. Instead of spending money on specific tasks, our attention, strength and energy are spent on heating up that «porridge» that has not even been cooked yet.
If you repeat this chain (desire — promise — failure to fulfill the promised) several times, then the habit will form and gain a foothold, and in order to get rid of it, a lot of effort will be required. As a result, we spend energy on maintaining our desire, reminding ourselves of it, blaming and reproaching ourselves for inaction, and the result is the absence of a result.
And it’s not just about global plans — invented, but not implemented. It happens that we mentally talk with a loved one or a casual acquaintance, “rehearse communication”, for years we want to say something, but we are waiting for the “right moment”. From minor decisions to wait or postpone what was conceived, as a result, a habit is formed to postpone more significant actions.
How to change this habit? Learn how to complete your plans right away, especially if it only takes a few minutes
Another example. It happens that at some event, due to an uncomfortable posture, a leg or arm becomes numb, pulls the back, but in the hope of a speedy completion, we agree to endure inconvenience and, possibly, even pain. By doing this repeatedly, over time we get used to the fact that the body can be uncomfortable, and there seems to be nothing to worry about.
However, if you allow yourself to endure physical discomfort over and over again, then allowing the discomfort of thoughts, states, relationships and lifestyle becomes only a matter of time.
How to change this habit? Learn how to complete your plans right away, especially if it only takes a few minutes. “We should call, talk…”? So, you need to do it immediately: call, talk and not think about it anymore. Free yourself from the need to store excess in your head.
This makes life much more comfortable, because there are no more reasons to suffer because of unfulfilled desires, to postpone and think about the possibilities of fulfilling your plans. Can be done now? So, you need to do it — and free up space for new desires and actions.
When a desire and an idea are immediately followed by realization, the result appears. Yes, you may have to finish and redo what happened, but that’s another story.
If an idea is born that you can start implementing right away, and a strong desire to start doing it right now, it is important to use this moment — it has great power and potential. If there is no opportunity, and many conditions appear in your head, then it is important to use this moment too — to abandon the idea in order to again save yourself from what has no opportunity for implementation.
Depreciation strategy
In order to somehow justify their inaction, a depreciation strategy is often used. It starts in different people in different situations in exactly the same way, as if it is taught in schools.
Devaluing what seems inaccessible is convenient and profitable. We deceive ourselves, and again, precious energy is wasted and strength is spent on the search for arguments and convincing ourselves that we are falsely right.
Most often, those who are nearby fall under the blow of depreciation. It is more difficult to envy those who are at a distance — they are a priori inaccessible, from another world, so what’s the point of looking at them and comparing them? Another thing is those who are nearby, who do what they can, do not put their dreams in boxes of expectations, do not feed themselves with empty hopes.
Instead of following their strategies that allow them to make life richer and more interesting, a strategy of devaluation is turned on, and habits of patience and hope are reinforced for self-protection. After all, if you admit that your own habits do not give the desired result, then you have to agree that those who achieve something have a more effective strategy. It’s unpleasant, you don’t want to — it hurts to admit your own inability to act.
To convince ourselves that we are right, we say to ourselves: “So what if they are rich, but we are honest”, “What can we take from this egoist! But I don’t refuse to help anyone”, “He, with his love, doesn’t look like himself at all, he just turned into someone!”, “Upstart! Wherever you look, she is everywhere, in all the news, on all channels.
How to recognize the devaluation trap
Take a look around — can you say about someone close to you that they are conceited, «starred», and their successes strain you? If you have found such acquaintances, it’s time to ask yourself the question: what can I change in myself?
The skill of realizing ideas and desires, instead of postponing them, develops over time like any other and gives new opportunities, returning the forces that were previously spent on holding one’s desires.
Instead of convincing ourselves of the need to endure, it is important to learn to recognize the reasons that make us do it.
In order to rid ourselves of the habit of enduring, we first need to start recording those moments when we immerse ourselves in situations of “endure a little more”. It’s about accepting what is necessary to accept, and not about expanding the comfort zone, but about those cases when we don’t like something, but we expect it to stop on its own.
“A few more minutes — and a break, but for now I will endure”, “The position is uncomfortable, but the meditation is short, you can endure”, “Children will grow up, but for now I will have to live side by side.”
Instead of convincing ourselves of the need to endure, it is important to learn to recognize the reasons that make us do it. Recognition of the reasons in itself frees up some of our energy, and getting rid of destructive habits becomes only a matter of time and desire.