How to silence your inner troll

This dubious companion settled in our head. He makes us believe that he is acting for our good, his declared goal is to protect us from adversity. In fact, his motive is by no means noble: he longs to make us unhappy, timid, miserable, lonely.

“The troll is not your fears or negative thoughts, he is the source of them. He uses the bitter experience of the past and taunts you, reminding you of what you are desperately afraid of, and creating a horror movie about the future that is spinning in your head,” said Rick Carson, bestselling author of The Troll Tamer. How did it happen that a troll appeared in our life?

Who is a troll?

From morning to evening, he tells us how we look in the eyes of others, interpreting our every step in his own way. Trolls take on different guises, but they all have one thing in common: they use our past experiences to hypnotize us into subordinating our entire lives to self-limiting and sometimes frightening generalizations about who we are and how our lives should be.

The only task of the troll is to distract us from the inner joy, from the true us — calm observers, from our essence. After all, the true we are “a source of deep satisfaction, accumulating wisdom and mercilessly getting rid of lies.” Do you hear his instructions? “You have more important things to do. So take care of them!”, “Remember how high hopes end? Yep, disappointment! Sit down and don’t move, baby!»

“I get free not when I try to break free, but when I just notice that I put myself in jail,” Rick Carson is sure. Noticing internal trolling is part of the antidote. What else can be done to get rid of the imaginary «helper» and finally breathe freely?

Favorite Troll Myths

Often the songs that our trolls sing cloud the mind. Here are some of their common inventions.

• Your true face is disgusting.
• Sadness is a manifestation of weakness, infantilism, insecurity, dependence.
• Suffering is noble.
• The faster the better.
• Nice girls don’t like sex.
• Only unruly teenagers show anger.
• If you do not recognize/express emotions, they will subside by themselves.
• Expressing undisguised joy at work is stupid and unprofessional.
• If you do not deal with unfinished business, everything will be resolved by itself.
• Men are better at leading than women.
• Guilt cleanses the soul.
• Anticipation of pain reduces it.
• Someday you will be able to foresee everything.
• _______________________________________
• _______________________________________
• _______________________________________

The author of the method of taming the trolls leaves a few blank lines so that we enter something of our own — what the troll storyteller whispers to us. This is the first step to begin to notice his machinations.

Freedom from trolling: notice and breathe

To tame your troll, you need to take three simple steps: just notice what is happening, make a choice, play through the options, and act!

Do not torture yourself with the question of why everything turned out the way it did. It’s useless and non-constructive. Perhaps the answer itself will be found after you calmly assess the situation. To tame a troll, it is important to simply notice what is happening to you, and not think about why you feel the way you do.

Calm observation is much more effective than a chain of conclusions. Consciousness, like a spotlight beam, snatches your present out of the darkness. You can direct it to your body, to the world around you, or to the world of the mind. Notice what is happening to you, your body, here and now.

Controlling the searchlight of consciousness, we will be able to feel the fullness of life: thoughts and feelings will stop flickering randomly in the head, and we will clearly see what is happening around. The troll will suddenly stop whispering what to do, and we will drop our stereotypes. But be careful: the troll will do everything to make you believe again that life is an extremely difficult thing.

Sometimes during the attack of the troll, our breath gets lost. It is very important to breathe deeply and clean air, Rick Carson is convinced. The abdomen should naturally round when inhaling and retract when exhaling. This is exactly what happens to those who are free from the troll. But for most of us who wear our troll on the back of the neck or in the body, exactly the opposite happens: when we inhale, the stomach is drawn in and the lungs are only partially filled.

Notice how you breathe alone when you meet a loved one or someone you don’t trust. Try to breathe correctly in different circumstances, and you will feel the change.

Are you embarrassed to accept compliments? Play other behaviors. The next time someone says they’re thrilled to meet you, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Fool around. Diversify your life with a game.

Unleash your feelings

How often do you allow yourself to express joy, anger, or sadness? All of them live in our body. Genuine uncontrollable joy is a feeling that is bright, beautiful and contagious. The more you start to move away from your troll, the more you will rejoice. Feelings must be sincerely and deeply expressed, the psychotherapist believes.

“Anger is not inherently evil at all, sadness does not mean depression, sexual desire does not breed promiscuity, joy is not the same as irresponsibility or stupidity, and fear is not the same as cowardice. Emotions become dangerous only when we lock them up or explode impulsively, with no respect for other living beings. By paying attention to the feelings, you will see that there is nothing dangerous in them. Only a troll is afraid of emotions: he knows that when you give them free rein, you feel a powerful surge of energy, and this is the key to fully enjoying the gift of life.

Emotions cannot be locked up, hidden — anyway, sooner or later they will crawl out in the body or outside — in the form of an unexpected explosion for yourself and for those around you. So maybe it’s time to try to let go of emotions at will?

If you’re used to hiding your anger in the middle of a fight, look your fear straight in the eye and ask yourself: What’s the worst that will happen? Try to be honest about your experiences. Say something like:

• “I want to tell you something, but I’m afraid that you will throw a tantrum. Would you like to listen to me?»
• “I am very angry with you, but I respect and appreciate our relationship.”
• “I hesitate to talk to you about one delicate topic… But I feel uncomfortable and I would like to clarify the situation. Are you ready for a frank conversation?
• “It will be a difficult conversation: I can’t speak beautifully, and you are prone to ridicule. Let’s try to treat each other with respect.»

Or take our fear. The troll is absolutely delighted that you live based on assumptions. The world of mind is the antidote. Try to accurately formulate your thoughts — this will take you out of a catastrophic fantasy into reality. For example, you think your boss will reject your idea. Oh, the troll is around again, have you noticed?

Then take a piece of paper and write:

If I am ____________________ (action #1 that you are afraid to take), then I guess I am _____________________________ (consequence #1).

If I ___________________________________ (insert answer from corollary #1), then I guess ____________________________ (corollary #2).

If I ___________________________________ (insert answer from corollary #2), then I guess _____________________________ (corollary #3).

And so on.

You can do this exercise as many times as you want and dive to a depth that we ourselves consider possible. At the third or fourth turn, we will certainly begin to notice that our fears are absurd and that at a deep level we are used to subordinating our actions to the fear of pain, rejection, or even death. We will see that our troll is a great manipulator, and when we carefully assess the situation, we will find that there are no real consequences for us in it.

About the Author: Rick Carson is the originator of the Troll Taming Method, author of books, founder and director of the Troll Taming Institute, personal trainer and instructor for mental health professionals, and member and official curator of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.