How to learn to “switch off” before going to bed?

During the day, we do not always have time to think about the little things that, in fact, life consists of: bills, purchases, minor repairs, vacations or a visit to the doctor. All these tasks are relegated to the background, and as soon as we go to bed, our head is attacked. But we still need to analyze what happened today and think about what will happen tomorrow. These thoughts excite, cause a feeling of dissatisfaction and anxiety. We try to solve all problems immediately, and in the meantime, sleep leaves us completely.

How to keep stress out of your bedroom Jessami Hibberd and journalist Jo Asmar in their book¹ offer several strategies to help relieve stress and go into «sleep» mode.

Disconnect from social media

Pay attention to how much time you spend online. It will probably surprise you how often we reach for our phones without even thinking about it. When we think about what we want to say and what impression to make on people, it has an exciting effect on our mind and body. An hour without communication in the morning and a few hours in the evening will give you the necessary respite. Hide your phone in a place where you can’t physically reach it with your hand, for example, put it in another room and forget about it at least for a while.

Make time for reflection

Our consciousness, like the body, gets used to a certain regimen. If you always thought about your day and appreciated it while lying in bed, then you involuntarily began to do this every time you managed to lie down. To change this style, set aside time for reflection in the evening before going to bed. By thinking about what happened, how you feel and how you feel, you are essentially clearing out your own head, giving yourself a chance to work things out and move on.

Sit for 15 minutes somewhere in solitude, concentrate, thinking about what you usually thought about at night. Make a list of urgent tasks, arranging them in order of priority. Cross off individual items after completing them to increase motivation. Schedule a fifteen-minute interval in your diary or on your phone to make it «official»; so you get used to it faster. By looking at these notes, you can step back and allow yourself to deal with them analytically rather than emotionally.

Make time for worries

“What if” questions related to work, money, friends, family, and health can gnaw all night and are usually related to a specific issue or situation. To deal with this, set aside 15 minutes for yourself as “worry time”—another time during the day when you can organize your thoughts (just like you set aside “think time”). If a skeptical inner voice begins to whisper: “Fifteen more minutes a day — are you out of your mind?” — ignore him. Step back from the situation for a second and think about how stupid it is to give up something that positively affects your life just because you can’t take some time for yourself. After you understand how absurd it is, proceed to the task.

1. Find a quiet place where no one will bother you, and make a list of your biggest worries, such as «What if I can’t pay my bills this month?» or “What if I get laid off?”
2. Ask yourself, «Is this concern justified?» If the answer is no, cross that item off the list. Why waste precious time on something that won’t happen? However, if the answer is yes, move on to the next step.
3. What can you do? For example, if you’re worried that you won’t be able to pay your monthly bills, why not find out if you can deferred payment? And at the same time organize your budget in such a way that you know exactly how much you get and how much you spend? Couldn’t you ask for advice and/or borrow from relatives?
4. Choose the option that seems to be the most reliable, and break it down into individual, smaller steps, such as: “Call the company at 9 am. Ask what deferred payment options are offered. Then deal with finances, with income and expenditure. Find out how much I have left in my account until the end of the month. If you have such records in front of you, it will not be so scary to face your problem. By setting a specific time for this, you are pushing yourself to take action, rather than putting off solving the problem until the next day.
5. Describe the circumstances that can prevent this idea from being realized, for example: “What if the company does not give me a deferred payment?” — figure out how to get around the problem. Is there anything you can do without this month to pay your bill? Could you combine this option with others and get an extension on your payment date or ask someone to lend you?
6. In 15 minutes get back to your business and think no more about worries. Now you have a plan and you are ready to take action. And don’t go back and forth to your «what if?» — it won’t lead to anything. If you start thinking about something that worries you as you get into bed, remind yourself that you can think about it soon «for worries.»
7. If during the day you come up with valuable thoughts on an exciting topic, don’t brush them off: write it down in a notebook so you can look into it on your next fifteen-minute break. After writing down, turn your attention back to what you should have done. The process of writing down your thoughts about solving the problem will soften its severity and help you feel that the situation is under control.

Stick to a set schedule

Set a hard rule: The next time you have negative thoughts swirling in your head at the time of going to bed, tell yourself: “Now is not the time.” The bed is for sleeping, not for traumatic thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself feeling stressed or anxious, tell yourself that you will return to your worries at their designated time and immediately focus on the tasks at hand. Be strict with yourself, postponing disturbing thoughts for later; do not allow consciousness to look into these time-limited zones. Over time, this will become a habit.

¹ J. Hibberd and J. Asmar «This book will help you sleep» (Eksmo, scheduled for release in September 2016).