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“As a couple for many years, Alban and Stéphan could not imagine being childless. As they approach their forties, they want to start a family, “to give love and values”. And are determined to defy the law since it does not give them the right to be parents. “Adoption, we thought about it, but it’s already so complicated for a couple, so for a single person”, regrets Stéphan. “There would have been a social inquiry, which meant lying. I do not see how we could have concealed that we were in a relationship ”.
Another solution, co-parenting, but again, the pitfalls of this system are numerous. Ultimately, the couple decides to use a surrogate mother. Supported by their loved ones, they fly to the United States. Only country with India and Russia which does not reserve surrogate mothers for its nationals. When they arrive in Minneapolis, they discover how the surrogate mother market is developed and supervised. They are reassured: “While in some countries the conditions are very borderline in terms of ethics, in the United States, the legal system is stable and the candidates are numerous. It’s part of the customs, ”says Stéphan.
The choice of surrogate mother
The couple then files a file with a specialized agency. Then quickly meet a family. It’s love at first sight. “It was exactly what we were looking for. Balanced people who have a situation, children. The woman was not doing this for the money. She wanted to help people. Everything goes very quickly, a contract is signed. Alban will be the biological father and Stéphan the legal father. “It seemed like a good compromise to us, that this child had the genetic heritage of one and the name of the other. But everything has only just begun. Stéphan and Alban must now choose the egg donor. In the United States, the surrogate mother is not the one who donates her eggs. According to them, this is a way of avoiding the attachment that a woman might have with this baby, which is not her own. ” We chose a person in perfect health who had already donated their eggs », Explains Stéphan. “Lastly, we looked at the photo and it is true that there was one that looked like Alban, so it was on her that our choice fell.” The medical protocol is going well. Mélissa gets pregnant on the first try. Stéphan and Alban are in heaven. Their greatest wish will finally come true.
Big fear at the first ultrasound
But at the first ultrasound, it’s the big fright. A black spot appears on the screen. The doctor tells them that there is an 80% risk that it will be a miscarriage. Stéphan and Alban are devastated. Back in France, they begin to mourn this child. Then, an email a week later: “the baby is fine, everything is ok. ”
Start an intense marathon. Between the trips back and forth to the United States, the daily email exchanges, the future dads actively participate in the pregnancy of the surrogate mother. “We recorded ourselves telling tales. Mélissa put the helmet on her stomach so that our baby could hear our voices. », Confides Stéphan.
A perfect birth
The day of delivery is approaching. When the time comes, the boys do not feel like going to the delivery room but wait impatiently behind the door. Bianca was born on November 11. The first meeting is magical. ” When she laid her eyes in mine, immense emotion overwhelmed me », Stéphan remembers. Two years of waiting, the game was worth the candle. The dads then stay with their child. They have their own room in the maternity ward and do all the pediatric care like the mothers. The papers are done quickly.
A birth certificate is issued in accordance with Minnesota law. It is stipulated that Mélissa and Stéphan are the parents. Normally, when a child is born abroad, it must be declared to the consulate of the country of origin. “But when he sees a man arrive who has had a baby with an otherwise married woman, usually the case is blocked.”
The return to France
The new family leaves the United States, ten days after the birth of Bianca. On the way back, the young men tremble as they approach customs. But everything is going well. Bianca discovers her home, her new life. And the French nationality? During the months which follow the dads multiply the steps, make play their relations and luckily, obtain it. But they are well aware of being an exception. As their daughter will soon be celebrating her first birthday, Alban and Stéphan savor their new role as father. Everyone has found their place in this different family. ” We know that our daughter is going to have to fight in the playground. But society is changing, mentalities are changing, ”admits Stéphan, optimistic.
As for same-sex marriage, which the new law will authorize, the couple fully intends to go before the mayor. “Do we really have a choice? », Insists Stéphan. ” There is no other way to legally protect our daughter. If tomorrow something happens to me, Alban must have the right to take care of his child. “