Heart-to-heart conversation: how to become a temporary “psychologist” for your loved ones?

There are certain signals that indicate to us that a loved one is facing a psychological problem:

1. Changes in habitual lifestyle. This applies to any everyday manifestations: sleep disturbances, appetite, physical activity levels.

2. Reduced performance. These include difficulty performing daily tasks, forgetfulness, and fatigue. If a person increasingly complains of fatigue from work duties and unwillingness to do their usual things, you should pay attention to his psychological state.

3. Changes in relationships with people. For example, usually a loved one tries to compromise in relationships, but now he has become very irritable and conflicted. Or, on the contrary, distant.

4. Changes in physical condition. It can be frequent headaches or gastrointestinal upset. Health problems, of course, first of all, first of all, you need to be examined by a doctor of the appropriate profile. If diseases are excluded from the medical line, the physical condition may signal psychological distress.

It is worth noting that a change in any of the above areas separately is not a reason to sound the alarm. A person can wake up in a bad mood and be closed in himself the whole next day. Or he may drink too much coffee and get overexcited, as a result of which he will go to bed at an unusually late time for him.

You should think about the presence of psychological problems if the changes have affected several areas of a person’s life at once, and the corresponding signs persist for a long time (2-3 weeks) or appear very intensively.

How to provide emotional support and not harm?

It is extremely important to be tactful towards someone who is going through a difficult stage. If a person himself turned to you for help, then you should first listen carefully.

Try to find out exactly what he needs: advice, sympathy, a distracting conversation, or maybe just to be listened to. Do not try to guess for yourself – based on the words of a person, you can choose a more appropriate tactic and reaction.

It is more difficult when a loved one does not recognize the existence of a problem, avoids talking about it, or even abruptly rejects offers of help. In such circumstances, you can try to talk very tactfully, describing only the facts, for example, list your observations about how his condition has changed, and indicate that you are worried about it.

In this conversation, it is extremely important to avoid judgments and making “diagnoses”. The most convenient tool is open-ended questions that cannot be answered simply with “yes” or “no”, which encourage you to reveal the situation in more detail.

If the interlocutor stops your attempts to discuss what is happening, unfortunately, you will have to come to terms with this. The best way out is to let the person know that you are there and ready to talk at any moment. Perhaps time will pass, and you will be asked for help. And pressure can lead to the fact that the next time a person does not open at all.

Examples of stop phrases that should not be used in a conversation:

• “Look, you’re fine. Everyone loves you, you have a job. What are you up to?”

• “Others have more significant problems, and you suffer because of nonsense”

• “I love you so much, I’m worried about you, why are you closing?”

Examples of correct phrases to start a dialogue:

• “How are you feeling the last month?”

• “What help do you need right now? How can I be of service to you?”

• “I’m near. If you want to talk, then I am always ready to listen to you and help you in the form in which you want.

It must be understood that while emotional support is indeed important in stabilizing someone else’s condition, it may not be enough. Yes, and we can not always (and should) bear the burden of someone else’s problems. In this case, you should advise your loved one to contact a specialist: a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist.