“Treat the desire of a teenager with respect, realizing that it will bring you new anxieties and worries,” advises age psychologist Galina Burmenskaya.
* Galina Burmenskaya – Associate Professor of Moscow State University. M. V. Lomonosov, co-author (together with A. Karabanova and A. Leaders) of the book “Age-Psychological Approach in Counseling Children and Adolescents” (MPSI, 2007).
“The desire to spend New Year’s Eve without parents comes to children at the age of 14-15, sometimes even earlier, when communication with peers becomes their main need. A festive night, spent for the first time outside the walls of the house, is a special event – exciting, significant, joyful. And when parents agree to let their son or daughter go to friends, the children feel that they are recognized as mature enough, they are trusted. Letting go is easier for those parents who have developed a close relationship with the child, who are well acquainted with his friends and do not expect unpleasant surprises from them like strong alcohol, “weed”, or seeking adventure in the night city. Assessing the degree of risk is more difficult for those whose son or daughter wants to celebrate the New Year with unfamiliar or untrustworthy friends, and especially if their child himself is prone to risky actions: impulsive, ready to do anything for the sake of an argument or pugnacious, easily influenced by the group. If you are sure that your concerns are justified, refuse confidently and firmly.
But at the same time, think of an attractive counteroffer. At a minimum, celebrate the New Year in a new place, whether it’s a skating rink in the city center or an interesting trip. Or, for example, invite his friends to your home … It would be a serious mistake to criticize his company (resentment and anger of a teenager are guaranteed!) Or tie him to the usual (and not meeting his new needs) adult feast. Having allowed a teenager to celebrate the New Year with friends, clearly stipulate the conditions: what time he will call, when and how he will return. You must know exactly the place of the party, the owners of the apartment (call them in advance) and the phone numbers of someone from the company. It is important that the teenager also knows that he can contact you at any moment. And then the holiday that you will meet for the first time not together will bring you closer, not alienate you.