Testimonial: having a baby at 20
“Having a little bit for yourself is a way of existing in society. “
I was first pregnant when I was 22. With the dad, we had been together for five years, we had a stable situation, housing, a permanent contract… it was a project that was well thought out. This baby, I wanted it since I was 15 years old. If my partner had agreed, it could very well have been done earlier, even during my studies. Age has never been a barrier for me. Very early on, I wanted to settle down with my partner, to really live together. Motherhood was the logical next step for me, it was completely natural.
Having a little bit to yourself is a way of existing in society and a sign that you are truly becoming an adult. I had this desire, probably to take the opposite view of my mother who had me late, and always told me that she regretted not having had me sooner. My father was not ready, he made her wait until she was 33 and I think she suffered a lot. My little brother was born when she was 40 and sometimes when I look at them I feel like there is a lack of communication between them, a kind of gap related to the age difference. Suddenly, I really wanted to have my first baby earlier than her to show her that I was capable, and I felt her pride when I told her about my pregnancy. My relatives, who knew my desire for motherhood, all rejoiced. But it was different for many others! From the start, there was a sort of misunderstanding. When I went for my blood test to confirm my pregnancy, I couldn’t wait to know that I kept calling the lab.
When they finally gave me the results, I got a, “I don’t know if it’s good or bad news, but you’re pregnant. At the time, I did not crash, yes that was excellent news, wonderful news even. Rebelote at the first ultrasound, the gynecologist asked us if we were really happy, as if to imply that this pregnancy was unwanted. And the day of my childbirth, the doctor asked me outright if I was still living with my parents! I preferred not to pay attention to these hurtful words, I repeated over and over: “I have had a stable job for three years, a husband who also has a situation …”
Apart from that, I had a pregnancy without any apprehension, which I also put down to my young age. I said to myself: “I’m 22 (soon 23), things can only go well. I was quite carefree, so much so that I didn’t necessarily take matters into my own hands. I forgot to make some important appointments. For his part, my partner took a little longer to project himself.
Three years later, I’m about to give birth to a second baby girl. I am almost 26 years old, and I am very happy to tell myself that my two daughters will be born before I turn 30: twenty years apart, it is really ideal to be able to communicate with his children. “
The shrink’s opinion
This testimony is very representative of our time. The evolution of society means that women are delaying their motherhood more and more because they devote themselves to their professional life and wait for a stable situation. And so, today it almost has a negative connotation of having an early child. To think that in 1900, at 20, Angela would have already been considered a very old mother! Most of these women are happy to have a young child, and ready to become mothers. These are often women who fantasized about their babies very early on like a doll, and as soon as it became possible, they gave it a go. As is the case with Angela, there is sometimes this need to be taken seriously and to achieve the status of adult woman through motherhood. By having her first baby at 23, Angela also makes her mother’s wish come true. In a way, it does him good retroactively. For other women, there is an unconscious imitation. It is the family norm to have a young child. Young mothers-to-be have a certain naivety, a confidence in the future that allows them to be much less stressed than others. They see their pregnancy in a natural way, without anxiety.