Little glances slipped casually, exchanges a little more than friendly, or even a few ambiguous gestures: when is flirting synonymous with deception, if you are already in a relationship? For some, to think about it is already deceiving. For others, as long as we do not take action, there is no point in feeling guilty. Where to place the infidelity cursor?

At the start, when you meet your partner, it’s passion, love and that lasts … a certain time. Then comes the routine, the habits and even if the love is still there, it is difficult to still feel desired (e) and seduced (e).

The temptation

Sometimes we would like to seduce again, to go out and conquer another person, simply to see if we are still desirable with the other sex. This is how we find ourselves exchanging little sidelong glances to our sexy colleague, teasing each other with our friend’s good mate or even exchanging ambiguous and sexy texts with the neighbor on the 3rd floor for example.

When does flirting mean cheating?

This distinction is properly subjective and depends completely on our conception of good and bad. For some, as long as we don’t touch each other physically, there is no kissing or sexual act, there is no deception. For others, just fantasizing about a man or a woman you meet is already a sign of slight infidelity. We can then speak of an infidel by imagination.

Placing the cursor on infidelity in the case of flirtation is therefore very personal and depends on the influence of our superego, and therefore on our inner guilt.

As there is no limit set by a universal definition of deception in the event of flirtation, everyone must set it, according to their own feelings and their own relationship to good and evil.

But then how to fix it?

Listening to her little inner voice, her guilt, when you maybe go too far in flirting.

An exchange of giggles, drinks in the evening after work, confidences or stares, messages that speak volumes, or simply thoughts that are too insistent: the level of our guilt according to our actions is very personal, but it affects us. will indicate where to stop, before we feel bad in ourselves, and in front of our companion or companion.

If one is able to flirt without taking action and without gnawing guilt at night, then there is no need to worry or change anything. If we are able to flirt, without at any time thinking about our relationship, and even being tempted to take action, then this total absence of guilt indicates to us that we do not necessarily care as much about our relationship as we do. pensions.

On the other hand, if we feel bad by continuing to flirt, and that we hesitate even to talk about it to his / her partner, it is better to put the stop and remind ourselves of the commitment we made, by also questioning in passing.

We can thus ask interesting questions, in order to understand what pushes us to flirt.

What do we gain, concretely, by flirting?

To be reassured about his power of seduction? To still succeed in pleasing and inflating his ego? To be admired, respected, discovered again? To still feel “on the hunt”? Depending on the answer, we will then analyze what we may be lacking in our relationship: is the other present enough? Or does he (she) consider the other to be acquired? Doesn’t he or she make more efforts to seduce and spice up the relationship?

Knowing how to ask the right questions

When we answer these questions and find the reason (s) that push us to flirt, we can better understand the lack that we experience within our relationship, and possibly talk about it with our partner.

This may require a refresher, two or with the help of a couple therapist, to revive the momentum of love and seduction in the couple. And define, at the same time, why not, what is to deceive for each person. This will avoid potentially hurting his partner, if we do something that he considers cheating, when we were far from thinking it, according to our value system.

If you flirt to try to hurt the other, or to run away from them, then it is better to be honest with yourself and with the other, in order to make the right choices for the good of each one.