We don’t have to grow up at 13 anymore. The twentieth century gave humanity the concept of «youth». But it is still believed that up to thirty everyone should decide on their life path and move in a given direction. Not everyone will agree with this.
Meg Rosoff, writer:
1966, provincial America, I am 10 years old.
Everyone I know has a well-defined role: kids smile from Christmas cards, dads go to work, moms stay at home, or go to work too—less important than their husbands. Friends call my parents «Mr» and «Mrs» and no one swears in front of their elders.
The world of adults was a scary, mysterious territory, a place full of performances far removed from childhood experience. The child experienced catastrophic changes in physiology and psychology before even thinking about adulthood.
When my mother gave me the book «The Path to Womanhood», I was horrified. I didn’t even want to imagine this uncharted land. Mom did not begin to explain that youth is a neutral zone between childhood and adulthood, neither one nor the other.
A place full of risks, excitement, danger, where you test your strength and live several imaginary lives at once, until the real life takes over.
In 1904, the psychologist Granville Stanley Hall coined the term «youth».
Industrial growth and general public education finally made it possible for children not to work full time from the age of 12-13, but to do something else.
In the second half of the XNUMXth century, the years of adolescence became associated with rebellion, as well as with emotional and philosophical quests that were previously only undertaken by village elders and wise men: the search for self, meaning and love.
These three psychological journeys traditionally ended by the age of 20 or 29. The essence of the personality cleared up, there was a job and a partner.
But not in my case. My youth started at about 15 and hasn’t ended yet. At 19, I left Harvard to go to art school in London. At the age of 21, I moved to New York, tried several jobs, hoping that one of them would suit me. I dated several guys, hoping that I would stay with one of them.
Set a goal, my mother would say, and go for it. But I couldn’t come up with a goal. I understood that publishing was not my thing, like journalism, politics, advertising … I know for sure, I tried it all. I played bass in a band, lived in bunkhouses, hung out at parties. Looking for love.
Time has passed. I celebrated my thirtieth birthday — without a husband, without a home, a beautiful Chinese service, a wedding ring. Without a clearly defined career. No special goals. Just a secret boyfriend and a few good friends. My life has been uncertain, confusing, fast-paced. And filled with three important questions:
— Who am I?
— What should I do with my life?
— Who will love me?
At 32, I quit my job, gave up a rented apartment, and moved back to London. Within a week, I fell in love with the artist and moved to live with him in one of the most disadvantaged areas of the city.
We loved each other like crazy, traveled around Europe on buses — because we could not rent a car.
And spent the whole winter hugging the gas heater in the kitchen
Then we got married and I started working. I got a job in advertising. I was fired. I found a job again. I was fired. In total, I was kicked out five times, usually for insubordination, which I am now proud of.
By 39, I was a full-fledged adult, married to another adult. When I told the artist that I wanted a child, he panicked: «Aren’t we too young for this?» He was 43.
Now the concept of «settle down» seems terribly old-fashioned. It is a kind of static state that society can no longer provide. My peers don’t know what to do: they’ve been lawyers, advertisers or accountants for 25 years and don’t want to do it anymore. Or they became unemployed. Or recently divorced.
They retrain as midwives, nurses, teachers, start doing web design, become actors or earn money by walking dogs.
This phenomenon is associated with socio-economic reasons: university bills with huge sums, care for aged parents, children who cannot leave their father’s house.
The inevitable consequence of two factors: increasing life expectancy and an economy that cannot grow forever. However, the consequences of this are very interesting.
The period of youth, with its constant search for the meaning of life, is mixed with the period of middle age and even old age.
Internet dating at 50, 60 or 70 is no longer surprising. Like new moms of 45, or three generations of shoppers at Zara, or middle-aged women in line for a new iPhone, teenagers used to take their place at night behind Beatles albums.
There are things I would never want to relive from my teenage years — self-doubt, mood swings, confusion. But the spirit of new discoveries remains with me, which makes life bright in youth.
Long life allows and even requires to look for new ways of material support and fresh impressions. The father of one of your friends who is celebrating a «well-deserved retirement» after 30 years of service is a member of an endangered species.
I only had a child at the age of 40. At 46, I wrote my first novel, finally discovering what I wanted to do. And how nice it is to know that all my crazy ventures, lost jobs, failed relationships, every dead end and hard-earned insight is the material for my stories.
I no longer hope or want to become a “proper” adult. Lifelong youth — flexibility, adventure, openness to new experiences. Maybe there is less certainty in such an existence, but it will never get boring.
At 50, after a 35-year break, I got back on a horse and discovered a whole parallel world of women who live and work in London, but also ride horses. I still love ponies as much as I did when I was 13.
“Never take on a task if it doesn’t scare you,” said my first mentor.
And I always follow this advice. At 54, I have a husband, a teenage daughter, two dogs, and my own home. Now it’s a pretty stable life, but in the future I don’t rule out a cabin in the Himalayas or a skyscraper in Japan. I would like to study history.
A friend of mine recently moved from a beautiful house to a much smaller apartment due to money problems. And while there were some regrets and excitement, she admits that she feels something exciting — less commitment and a whole new start.
“Anything can happen now,” she told me. Stepping into the unknown can be as intoxicating as it is terrifying. After all, it is there, in the unknown, that so many interesting things happen. Dangerous, exciting, life-changing.
Hold on to the spirit of anarchy as you get older. This will be very useful to you.