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Sometimes in a relationship it is important to say a word on time, sometimes silence is golden. But there are still unspoken thoughts that pop into our minds over and over again. And here they are able to imperceptibly undermine the relationship. What is better not to think about during sex?
1. «What happened to us?»
Or even like this — «What happened to our love?»
There were times when you could not talk enough and did not part your hands. How to return them? No way. That novelty and enthusiasm in the relationship, which was at the beginning, with each new day will be replaced by new sensations. There will be new challenges and new joys.
It is important to appreciate the past and understand that no one will return there again. Psychotherapist, specialist in divorce therapy Abby Rodman advises — look at the past from the right perspective: with a smile, but not with tears.
Just accept that there is no sadness in the phrase «Our love is not what it was at the beginning.» It is true—your love grows and changes with you.
Abby Rodman says: “Sometimes I look back and then I say to my spouse: “Do you remember how you and I used to be? ..”
He smiles and says, “Yes. That was great». But he never tells me, «Why don’t we do this anymore?» Or: “… Of course, I remember. What happened to us and our love?
And in my opinion, this is the best solution.
2. “I wonder what N is in bed?”
Such reflections, when an unsuspecting partner lies nearby, can upset a relationship much faster than anything else, says psychotherapist Kurt Smith. He advises men, and therefore his advice applies primarily to them. “It’s not as far from thought to action as you think,” he explains.
3. «If only he was more like N»
Oddly enough, family psychologists consider such thoughts quite innocent. Because often they feature actors and other celebrities, your freshman crush, or an old high school crush.
Just don’t let your dreams take you too far. After all, it may well turn out that those features that delight in them are also in your partner — maybe a little less, but everything is in your hands!
4. «He’s always in a hurry»
You can work with a discrepancy in your sexual rhythms, sex is generally the best platform for experiments. But grouchiness and, if you call a spade a spade, tediousness should not be allowed not only on the threshold of the bedroom, but in general in your house.
5. “I will not answer. Let him suffer»
But that’s not fair! You were touched, seeking reconciliation, do not push away and do not break out of the embrace. You smiled — smile back. You need to reconcile very quickly.
To punish with deprivation of sex, food or a smile is not serious. There is much wisdom in the biblical saying, «Let not the sun go down on your anger.»
6. «He doesn’t love me anymore»
If you think about it often, you can eventually begin to doubt the most devoted love. There is an elegant alternative. Do not ask your partner: «Tell me, do you love me?» End a phone conversation with «I love you» or just kiss him goodbye.