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Developmental Violence: «As long as you need me, I’ll be with you!»
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Developmental violence is the use of force to advance and develop a person. Development of the will and accustoming to the wise Need.
Not at every moment of life a child knows what he really needs. The child sees only the Now, and protests against the Must, as against someone else’s.
Need — it’s always someone’s want
Need is always someone else’s Want: and not necessarily your Want, and this can be completely normal. You have to get up in the morning — this was what dad wanted, because he wanted to give you every hour of the early morning and accustom you to the order of the morning — this will be useful to you in life. In the morning I need to wash — it was my mother’s wish, because she saw how fresh your face was and how cheerful your eyes were after rinsing them with cool water and wiping them with a clean towel. These “I want” then were not always your joy, once it sounded like a nasty “I must”, but your parents did their job, raised you and washed you. Usually they say: “Thank you!”
Wise Need
You have to be smart and dumb. Wise Need is what I want tomorrow. Today — I don’t feel like it yet, but Tomorrow — I want to, but Tomorrow will be too late. Therefore it is necessary today. Need is the ability to see tomorrow. This is what ensures your future and builds your personality, develops your thinking, the ability to see perspectives.
The bill for the light came, it is necessary to pay. If you do not do this Today, Tomorrow, penalties will run up for unpaid bills, and you will be asked what you want more: pay a very large amount or be left without electricity, or even move out of the apartment? In such a Tomorrow, most likely, you will want to pay.
Today I don’t want to get up, but I have to get up. Standing up against Don’t Want is violence, but violence is developing and useful.
The line between developmental and suppressive violence
Softness, gradualness, without strong protests — and it is quite possible to accustom to it. And if broken, the results can be unpredictable, including the suppression of the child’s personality.