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Denial of pregnancy: what about the father?
Denial of pregnancy occurs when a woman does not realize that she is pregnant until an advanced stage of pregnancy, or even until childbirth. In this very rare case, we speak of total denial of pregnancy, as opposed to partial denial when the pregnancy is discovered before term. Generally, it is a psychological block which prevents the woman from going through this pregnancy normally.
And the father, how does he deal with this situation?
In the case of a partial denial, even if nothing obvious makes it possible to notice a pregnancy, certain signs can put the chip in the ear, in particular on the level of the belly or the breasts. According to Myriam Szejer, child psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, a question then arises: ” Is there a denial of pregnancy in men? How to explain in fact that a man does not notice that his partner is pregnant? How is it that he leaves no doubt?
Men who can enter into denial in spite of themselves
For Myriam Szejer, author of numerous psychoanalytic books on pregnancy and childbirth, it is as if these men too were drawn into the same psychic movement, as if there was an unconscious complacency. “Since the woman does not allow herself to go through this pregnancy, the man is caught in the same system and does not allow himself to realize that his wife may be pregnant”, even though they have had intercourse and that his wife’s body seems to be changing. Because for Myriam Szejer, even if bleeding close to the usual rules can occur, a woman who is not in a context of denial and who is psychologically able to cope with this pregnancy will still ask herself questions, especially more if there has been unprotected sex. Denial can arise for many different reasons, in women as in men. It can be an unconscious way to protect the child, to avoid family pressures pushing for abortion or abandonment, to prevent the judgments of those around the pregnancy, or even to not reveal adultery. By not allowing herself to go through this pregnancy, the woman does not have to face all of these situations. “Often, denial of pregnancy results from unconscious conflict between the desire for a child and the socio-emotional, economic or cultural context in which this desire arises. We can then understand that the man is caught in the same gear as the woman ”, underlines Myriam Szejer. ” Since he cannot allow himself to have this child, he does not want to accept that there is a possibility that it will happen all the same. »
The shock of total pregnancy denial
Sometimes, in rare cases, it happens that the denial is total. Arrived at the emergency room for abdominal pain, the woman learns from the medical profession that she is about to give birth. And the companion learns at the same time that he is going to be a dad.
In this case, Nathalie Gomez, project manager for the French Association for the Recognition of Pregnancy Denial, distinguishes two major reactions from the companion. ” Either he is delighted and accepts the child with open arms, or he totally refuses the child and leaves his companion », She explains. On the forums, many women express their dismay at the reaction of their companion, who accuses them in particular of having “made a baby behind their back”. But fortunately, not all men react so strongly. Some just need time to get used to the idea. On the phone, Nathalie Gomez told us the story of a couple facing a total denial of pregnancy, when the woman had been declared sterile by the medical profession. At the time of delivery, the father of the future baby slipped away and disappeared from circulation for several hours, unreachable. He devoured four pizzas surrounded by his friends, then returned to the maternity ward, ready to fully assume his role as a father. “This is news that can lead to psychological trauma, with a state of bewilderment as in any trauma », Affirms Myriam Szejer.
It happens then that the man decides to reject this baby, especially if his situation does not allow him to welcome this child. The father can also develop a sense of guilt, telling himself that he should have noticed something, that he could have prevented this pregnancy from occurring or coming to an end. For the psychoanalyst Myriam Szejer, there are as many possible reactions as there are different stories, and it is very hard to “predict” how a man will react if his partner denies pregnancy. Anyway, psychoanalytic or psychological follow-up can be a solution to help the man to overcome this ordeal and to approach the birth of his child more calmly.