Each consultation is special (parents and their children are different). I bring myself to every meeting. Therefore, I inspire my clients with what I deeply believe in myself. At the same time, I have approaches that I adhere to in my work.
- Immediately, after the first voicing by the client of his initial request, I will definitely support the client in his desire to understand the situation and change it: “You are a good mom (good dad)!”. Support is very necessary for any person, especially in difficult times. It gives strength and motivation to move forward in solving the issue. It helps me build rapport with the client.
- Having understood for myself that “this is my client,” I inform him of my readiness to work with him: “I am ready to take on your case.”
- Having informed the client about the volume of the proposed work: “There is a lot of work,” I clarify: “How ready are you to work yourself? What and how much are you ready to invest in changing the situation?
- I agree on the format (confidentiality, number, frequency, duration of sessions, mandatory «homework» and reports on progress and results, the possibility of telephone consultations between sessions, payment, etc.).
- Having heard from the client all the dissatisfaction with the child, I ask: “What do you like about your child? Name his positive traits.
- I definitely suggest that the child who caused the visit to the psychologist is also good! It’s just that he hasn’t learned something yet, is mistaken in something, “mirrors” the negative behavior of others or, defensively, reacts aggressively and emotionally to an “attack” (threats, reproaches, accusations, etc.) from adults. There can be many options here. They need to be understood. And at the same time always know “The child is good! It is we, the parents, who are mistaken and underworking in something. ”
- I also offer the client a very short test. It is necessary to rank (arrange in order of importance) human qualities: smart, brave, honest, hardworking, kind, cheerful, reliable. More often, «Good» falls into the top three. And this is understandable. Everyone wants to live in a good environment. Then, you need to rank the importance of these same qualities for yourself. Here «Good» is pushed further. Rather, everyone considers himself ALREADY kind. Most expect good things from others. The reasons for this may be different. My task is to turn the client towards kindness. Without it, I think, you won’t raise a child to be kind and you won’t increase “the amount of goodness in the world”.
- Also, it is useful to ask a parent such a question: “Is kindness and honesty a virtue or a flaw, a strength or a weakness?”. There is something to think about here. My goal is to sow the seeds so that the parent will reflect after the meeting. The famous phrase of Prof. N.I. Kozlova “Whatever I do, the amount of goodness in the world must increase!” I use it in my consultations as a tool of suggestion.
- In order for the client to understand the essence of education, I ask the question: “What do you put into the concept of “Raising a child”?”.
- Acquaintance with the positions of perception. To improve mutual understanding between a parent and a child, it is important for an adult to master the ability to consider life situations from different positions of perception.
- I suggest answering questions, formulating theses in a positive way. (working out begins already at the consultation).
- I use a state scale (from 1 to 10).
- I transfer the client from the position of the Victim to the position of the author (What are you ready to do?)
- We speak from the future, not from the past (about tasks and solutions, not about the causes of difficulties).
- I use the following exercises as homework: “Control and Accounting”, “Calm Presence”, “Positive Interpreter”, “Support and Approval”, “Positive Suggestions”, “Sunshine”, “If I Loved”, “+ — + ”, “Repeat, agree, add”, “My virtues”, “Child virtues”, “Soft toy”, “Empathy”, “NLP techniques”, “Fairy tale therapy”, etc.
- At the beginning of each subsequent meeting, a discussion of the work done by the client, an analysis of the result obtained (successes, negative experience), the transfer of an unfulfilled or unsuccessfully completed task to the next time with clarifications.
- During each session, I support, help, motivate the client to work, praise for success.
Algorithm for solving problems to improve parent-child relations
To compile the algorithm, it is necessary to formulate the question itself, which is to be solved. For example, a client has some difficulties in raising a child. Then the first: we formulate the condition of the problem (initial data). Second: we formulate what needs to be found.
In every situation in the parent-child relationship, there are participants. These are: Child, Parent (or other adult) and Environment (these are other family members, kindergarten, school, friends, media, i.e. society). Also, some relationships have already developed between the participants. I note that most of our difficulties with children are precisely due to the inability to find a common language with them.
Task formulation. The client came with a “problem” (point B) and wants to get a result (point C). The task for the psychologist: to develop a list of recommendations, exercises, by performing which the client will get rid of the «problem» and solve the creative «task».
Initial data
- There is a certain point «A». Participants: parent(s), born child, family.
- Point «B» — the current situation with which the client came. Participants: parent(s), grown-up child, society.
- The distance from A to B is the period of time during which adults and the child reached an undesirable result for the client. There is a relationship between parents and children.
What the client wants: point «C» is the desired result for the client. Participants: parent(s), child, society.
Progress in solving the problem. The distance from B to C is the period of time in which the parent will work (perform tasks). Here the relationship between the participants will change, other changes will occur. Specific recommendations and tasks for the parent (the first task is easy). Point D — promising goals of education (if the parent knows them and strives for them). Participants: parent(s), adult child, society.
Total: a concrete result from the work done.