Conflicts at school: teacher – student

Soon my son will be 10 years old. And now I have been actively participating in his school life for the third year already: I ​​listen to his revelations about school joys, conflict situations with classmates, help with homework, go to meetings. Although she once promised her husband that she would not go to school. And all because after my school years, the wonderful sediment remained by no means wonderful.

The fact is that my class teacher was unable to instill in us a sense of brotherhood and instill in us the ability to be friends. For 20 years we have not had a single meeting of alumni – no one has a special desire to see each other.

This is also the reason why my heart squeezes when a timid son complains about trouble at school. For the time being, it seemed to me that the best way out for me as a mother was to remain neutral, not to interfere in school affairs, so as not to cause new reasons for conflicts with my son in children. But recently I came across a case on the Internet that provoked me to consider the situation from several sides.

In one of the forums, the mother of a second grader shared the story of her son’s conflict with a classmate and asked for advice. The guys quarreled so much that one tore another notebook, tore off the cover of the textbook, ruined pencils and pens. The victim told his mother about this – it was necessary to somehow explain why the notebooks and books were suddenly torn. Everything would be fine, quarreled, reconciled, anything can happen. But after adequate communication between the parents of both, the teacher invited the injured second grader to a conversation and, calling him a sneak, asked her not to tell her mother about the conflicts at school anymore.

“It was she who set you up that way, so you got into a fight,” the teacher said to the second grader. Mom, appointed guilty, could not restrain herself and visited the teacher with a request to explain the reasons for such conclusions. She, not at a loss, replied that she did not have time to sort out every conflict.

The post collected hundreds of responses on the topic of whether the teacher reacted correctly to the current situation and how to behave now for mom … “Let them figure it out!” – some say. “How will they figure it out if no one teaches them to resolve conflicts?” – others parry. But what should a competent teacher do if children scandal?

“Without understanding the intricacies of the conflict itself and the reasons for its occurrence, we can immediately say that the teacher made several mistakes,” school psychologist Lyudmila Marchenko comments on the situation. – Firstly, she, referring to the lack of time, made it clear that she is not interested in what is happening with her wards and does not consider the children’s experiences important. Later, the children realize that she has not become an authority for them. And it should already be clear to adults now that in this way the teacher is trying to relieve himself of responsibility for what is happening in the class. Secondly, having called the child a sneak, the teacher hung a label on the boy. Thirdly, it is unacceptable to ask parents to hide everything that happens in the classroom. So she belittles the authority of mom and dad, and in the future, such “advice” may lead to irreparable situations when the parents would be happy to help the child cope with the troubles, and it’s too late. ”

“Of course, before the teachers had more time to participate in the life of our children, now they are loaded with reports, papers and do not always have time to pay due attention to the situation,” the child and adolescent psychologist Elena Shamova joins the dialogue. – But to this day, teachers and school leaders are responsible for what happens within the walls of the school. However, parents should know and remember that at school they teach children, help them acquire knowledge, and we ourselves must raise children. “

According to Elena Shamova, the teacher should have intervened in what was happening immediately, to find out the cause-and-effect relationship. And then inform the children that she will bring everything to the attention of the parents, who will decide how to further cope with the situation. It is they who have the right to assess the actions of children, to take the necessary measures of education or punishment. The educator should not take such steps on his own, blame and take sides. You need to understand that if children complain or sneer at school, then there is someone who has already played the role of a judge at least once. Having received approval after reporting the last time, the child again hopes to win the conflict.

And during my son’s studies at school, I still had to face a couple of conflict situations. In both cases, my communication with the opponent child took place, which infuriated the boy’s mother. The conversation between us, parents, both times came to a standstill, threats sounded.

“I can say for sure that there are no prohibitions on communication between an adult and a child who is not his own, on clarifying the circumstances of what happened between children, as well as parental guidance that will help children figure it out and not resort to conflicts,” emphasizes lawyer Mikhail Revyakin. – However, parents should remember that children, fearing meeting with adults, may not tell the truth. Therefore, in order to avoid slander, such conversations should be carried out in front of witnesses. In this case, with a teacher or school leadership. “

Over time, that mommy and I came to a common point of view and made up. And the class teacher helped the boys sort out the conflict and understand each other. And she recommended to us, parents, to interfere less often in relations between children in order to give them the opportunity to learn to live and make mistakes themselves. Well, and if necessary, contact her and solve all the problems together. After all, you must agree, who, if not a cool mother, can create an atmosphere of kindness and joy in the classroom, teach children friendship that will remain with them for many years?