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Anger, fear, joy, excitement… Children are emotional sponges! And sometimes, we feel that they let themselves be overwhelmed by this overflow. Catherine Aimelet-Périssol *, doctor and psychotherapist, help us put words on strong emotional situations… and offers solutions for the well-being of children, as well as parents!
He doesn’t want to sleep alone in his room
>>He is afraid of monsters …
DECRYPTION. “The child seeks security. However, his bedroom can become a space of insecurity if he has had a bad experience there, had nightmares there… He then feels helpless and seeks the presence of the adult ”, explains Catherine Aimelet-Périssol *. This is why his fantasies overflow: he is afraid of the wolf, he is afraid of the dark… All this is natural and aims to attract the parent to be reassured.
ADVICE : The role of the parent is to listen to this fear, this desire for security. The psychotherapist suggests reassuring the child by showing him that everything is closed. If that is not enough, accompany him so that he himself responds to his desire for security. Ask him, for example, what he would do if he saw a monster. He will thus seek ways to “defend himself”. His fertile imagination must be at his service. He must learn to use it to find solutions.
You forbid him to see a cartoon
>> He is angry
DECRYPTION. Behind the anger, Catherine Aimelet-Périssol explains that the child has above all a desire for recognition: “He says to himself that if he gets what he wants, he will be recognized as a full-fledged being. However, there is a bond of subordination with his parents. He is dependent on them to feel recognized ”. The child expressed the wish to watch a cartoon because he wanted to, but also for his desire to be recognized.
ADVICE : You can tell him, “I see how important this cartoon is to you. I recognize how angry you are. »But the specialist insists on the fact that we must stick to the rule set : no cartoon. Chat with him to tell you what he loves so much about this film. He can thus express his tastes, his sensitivity. You hijack the way he found to be recognized (watch the cartoon), but you take into account the need for recognition of the child, and it soothes him.
You have planned a trip to a zoo with your cousins
>>He explodes with joy
DECRYPTION. Joy is a positive emotion. According to the expert, for the child, it is a kind of total reward. “Its manifestation can be overwhelming. In the same way that an adult laughs, it cannot be explained, but this emotion is there. We do not manage our emotions, we live them. They are natural and must be able to express themselves, ”explains Catherine Aimelet-Périssol.
ADVICE : It will be difficult to counter this overflow. But the specialist proposes to challenge the child on the nugget that arouses his joy and piques our curiosity. Ask him what makes him really happy. Is it the fact of seeing his cousins? To go to the zoo? Why ? Focus on the reason. You will thus lead him to specify, to name, what is a source of pleasure for him. He will identify his emotion and calm down while talking.
“A great technique for my son to calm down”
When Ilies is pissed off, he stutters. To calm him down, the speech therapist recommended the “rag doll” technique. He should squat, then squeeze his legs very hard, for 3 minutes, and relax completely. Works every time ! Afterwards, he is relaxed and can express himself calmly. ”
Noureddine, father of Ilies, 5 years old.
Her dog is dead
>> He is sad
DECRYPTION. With the death of her pet, the child learns grief and separation. “Sadness is also due to a feeling of helplessness. He can do nothing against the death of his dog, ”explains Catherine Aimelet-Périssol.
ADVICE : We must accompany him in his grief. For that, comfort him by hugging and hugging him. “The words are quite empty. He needs to feel the physical contact of the people he loves, to feel alive despite the death of his dog, ”adds the expert. You can think together about what you are going to do with the dog’s business, talk about the memories you have with him… The idea is to help the child discover that he has the possibility of taking action to fight. his feeling of helplessness.
She stays in her corner at her tennis court
>> She is intimidated
DECRYPTION. “The child is not content to be afraid in the face of a real situation. His imagination is activated and takes over. He thinks other people are mean. He has a devalued representation of himself, ”says the psychotherapist. He thus imagines that others have bad intentions, so he locks himself in his beliefs. He also doubts his own worth in relation to others and fear paralyzes him.
ADVICE : “You don’t change a shy child into an extroverted child who makes the whole assembly laugh,” warns the doctor. “You have to reconcile it with its way of being. His shyness allows him to take his time to identify others. Its discretion, its setting back are a real value too. You don’t necessarily have to try to get out of it. However, it is possible to limit your apprehension by going yourself to the instructor or a child, for example. You put him in touch with others so that he feels more comfortable. The group effect can indeed be impressive. Your child will be less intimidated if they sympathize with one or two other little ones.
He was not invited to Jules’s birthday party
>> He is disappointed
DECRYPTION. It is an emotion very close to sadness, but also to anger. For the child, not to be invited by his boyfriend is not to be recognized, loved. He tells himself that he is uninteresting and can experience it as a rejection.
ADVICE : According to the expert, it must be recognized that he expected something in terms of value. Ask him about the nature of his belief: “Maybe you think he doesn’t love you anymore? »Ask if there is anything you can do to help him. Remind her that her boyfriend couldn’t invite everyone to his birthday, that he had to make choices. Just like your child when he invites friends. This will help him understand that there are also material criteria that explain why he is not invited, that the reason may not be emotional. Change his mind and remind him of his qualities.
* founder of the site: www.logique-emotionnelle.com