Eight tips, eight parting words. Only the most important thing is that there are fewer disappointments in the life of a daughter and more space for joy.
No, no, don’t worry, this is the case when no one died. Caitlin Moran is a renowned British journalist and writer. She wrote the books “How to Raise a Girl” and “How to Be a Woman”. And Caitlin has been recognized as the columnist of the year in England more than once. And she has an amazing sense of humor. However, you will see for yourself now.
She had to write such a letter because of a competition dedicated to the revival of the epistolary genre. Caitlin pulled out a task – to write a letter to your child as if you died and he will read it after your death. Cruel, I guess. But informative.
Meet Caitlin Moran
Caitlin’s letter is addressed to her thirteen-year-old daughter (the journalist has two daughters. The letter was written for the eldest). “I smoke a lot. And in those moments when I feel like a little mouse is scratching in my lungs, I have a desire to write a letter in the style of “Now I am dead, here are my advice on how to live without my mother,” Caitlin said in the preface to the letter. And here it is.
“Dear Lizzie. Hi, this is mom. I’m dead. Sorry about that. Hope the funeral was good. Daddy played “Don’t Stop Me Now” Queen when my coffin went to the crematorium oven? Hopefully everyone sang and played an imaginary guitar like I wanted. And that everyone had a mustache of Freddie Mercury, as I requested in the “My Funeral Plan” letter that had been attached to the refrigerator since 2008, when I had a terrible cold.
Look, here are a few things you might find useful in the coming years. This is not an exhaustive list of tips, but it is a good start. Plus, I’ve got a lot of life insurance and bequeathed everything to you, so get some fun on eBay and buy up all those vintage dresses you love so much. You have always been very beautiful in them. You have always been beautiful.
Caitlin raised two almost adult daughters
The main thing is to try to be a good person. You are already beautiful – just to the point of impossibility! – and I want you to continue to be like that. Slowly build up your level of beauty, turn it like a volume control. Just choose to shine, constantly and independently of anything, like the warm lamp in the corner. And people will want to be closer to you to feel happy and to make reading easier. You will be invariably bright in a world full of surprises, cold and darkness. This saves you the worry that you need to “be healthy,” “be more successful than everyone else,” and “be very slim.”
Second, always remember that nine times out of ten, a breakdown can be prevented with a cup of tea and cookies. You’d be surprised how many problems these two things can solve. Just get a bigger cookie.
Third, always remove the worms from the sidewalk and place them on the grass. They have a bad day, and they are needed for … land or something else (ask dad about that, I’m a little off topic).
Fourth, choose the kind of friends you feel comfortable with. When the jokes are simple and understandable, when it seems to you that you are dressed in your best outfit, although you are wearing a simple T-shirt.
Never love someone you think needs to change. And don’t love someone who makes you feel like you need to change. There are boys looking for shining girls. They will stand side by side and whisper poison into your ear. Their words will suck the joy from your heart. The vampire books are true, baby. Drive a stake into his heart and run.
Live in peace with your body. Never think that you are out of luck with him. Pat your feet and thank them that they can run. Place your hands on your stomach and enjoy how soft and warm it is; admire the world revolving inside, the stunning clockwork. How I did it when you were inside me and I dreamed about you every night.
Whenever you can’t think of what to say in a conversation, ask people questions. Even if you are talking to the person who collects screws and bolts, you probably never have another opportunity to learn so much about screws and bolts, and you never know if it will be useful.
Caitlin’s books became bestsellers
Hence the following advice follows: life is divided into an amazing time of pleasure and into an experience, which can then be told like an anecdote. You can go through anything if you imagine how after you tell your friends about it, and they utter exclamations of surprise and disbelief. Yes, yes, all these stories “Oh, what am I going to tell you now! ..” And then – some awesome story.
Baby, meet as many sunrises and sunsets as you can. Run across the fields to smell the blooming roses. Always be sure that you can change the world, even if it’s just a tiny piece. Think of yourself as a silver rocket fueled by loud music and books instead of maps and coordinates. Be extravagant, always love, dance in comfortable shoes, talk to Dad and Nancy about me every day and never, never start smoking. It’s like buying a funny little dragon that will grow and eventually burn down your damn house.
I love you, mom.