Those affected describe themselves as abandoned, bruised, anesthetized, unable to realize that everything is over, to continue their life without their partner and to reconnect with their social habits.

• Generally, the senses are modified, the pleasure is reduced or even nonexistent. The subject is plunged into a hazy vortex of anxiety and sadness from which it will be difficult to escape.
• The individual does not support the ready-made formulas that his entourage rehashes him such as ” try to distract yourself “,” make him jealous “Or the great classic” it will pass over time ».
• The subject has the impression of drowning: he “loses his footing”, “holds his breath” and “feels himself sinking”.
• He always imagines a possible flashback and seems to mope in the past. He does not envisage the following events.

These symptoms are all the stronger when the rupture is violent and sudden. Same thing if the separation was not done face to face. In reality, however, these symptoms are not due to love but to addiction.

Boys may be more affected than girls after a breakup and have a harder time adjusting. Male stereotypes (being strong, controlling everything, invulnerability) encourage them to adopt an illusory posture of serenity, which prolongs the period of remission.

The period of the breakup is a period of risk vis-à-vis the consumption of alcohol, drugs or medication, seen as a way of artificially appeasing the suffering linked to the breakup. 

Internet and cell phones today offer the opportunity to postpone the reaction of the interlocutor and to break without taking too many risks. When we are in front of someone, we take the full brunt of their emotions: sadness, astonishment, embarrassment, dismay …

But it is terribly violent for the one who is left. The latter undergoes the decision without being able to express his anger, his bitterness. Breaking up publicly on social networks is one more step towards cowardice: the status “as a couple” suddenly changes to “single” or, more enigmatic, to “it’s complicated”, unbeknownst to the partner and to the known from others.

In adolescents or young adults, the feeling of loneliness, suffering and anxiety are such that the thought of suicide can touch him or even overwhelm him. The relationship has been so idealized and fed his narcissism so much that he feels totally drained. He is no longer worth anything, and thinks that love is worth nothing. It can happen that the teenager is very aggressive towards himself.

Family is very important during this painful episode. This is the time to listen to it without judging it, grant him a lot of attention, of tenderness without intruding into his privacy. It is also important to give up the ideal of the mature teenager that one imagined. 

Afterwards, the break-up appears as a period of taming the pain and a certain control over the lives of individuals. It also makes it possible to:

• Know new love stories and new happiness.
• Refine your desires.
• Acquire better communication skills, especially by verbalizing your emotions.
• Question your inner world, be more tolerant, “better” love.
• Realize that the pain of separation may be shorter than the pain of not separating.

Love pains inspire. All wounded lovers feel the need to pour out into an artistic or literary production. The path to sublimation seems to be an escape route that magnifies pain, a kind of enjoyment of suffering, without necessarily relieving pain.

« Finally, it is really rare that we leave each other well, because, if we were well, we would not leave each other », Marcel Proust, Albertine disparue (1925).

« Love is never felt so intensely as in its disappointments, in its pains. Love is a sometimes infinite expectation of the other, while hatred is a certainty. Between the two, the phases of waiting, doubts, hopes and despair assail the subject. »Didier Lauru.