Be healthy! 16 Elements of Mental and Emotional Health by Nancy McWilliams

“Yes, the principles I have developed are aimed at the general public, but this is only an attempt to explain to people what therapists strive for when working with patients,” says Nancy McWilliams. – To get these guidelines, I studied and summarized the knowledge accumulated in the psychological literature over a hundred years. And I started doing this when I noticed a tendency to call the disappearance of a symptom a cure.

For example, in scientific circles it is often discussed whether it was possible to reduce the level of anxiety of the patient, how much and how many sessions it took to do this. Alas, this approach loses sight of the fact that when working with a patient, his level of anxiety can not only decrease, but also increase when the therapist, for example, tries a new approach.

Not only is the list not intended to assess mental health, but assessing yourself is highly inefficient: what if you just want to see yourself that way? “For example, someone claims that everything is in order with his self-esteem, but from the outside it is clear that this is not so,” continues the psychoanalyst. Otherwise, why does this person keep talking about how wonderful, wonderful he is, how everyone loves and respects him? If he had everything in order with self-esteem, he would not have to praise himself.

In addition, some of these items describe properties and conditions that can only be assessed retrospectively. I had a patient who, from the very beginning of therapy, claimed to have no trust issues. It took him five years for him to realize (to himself) that for most of his life he hadn’t trusted those around him enough. And he was able to do this only after the situation had completely changed.

16 Elements of Mental and Emotional Health

1. Ability to love (partner, children…)

To be able to be in a relationship, to open up to another person, to love him for who he is, with all the shortcomings and virtues. Do not idealize or devalue. To be able to give rather than take.

2. Ability to work

Not only in the literal sense – in the office, at work, for a salary. It is important to create, to create, to bring something new into the world, to realize your creative potential. Realizing that everything you do should have meaning and meaning, not only for you personally, but also for other people.

3. Ability to play

We are talking about the ability of adults to “play” with words, symbols, be able to use metaphors, allegory, humor, symbolize their experience and enjoy it.

Psychologists note a frightening trend: we stop playing. Our games from “active” turn into “detached-observant”. We dance less, sing, play sports and watch others do it more and more. I wonder what the consequences will be…

4. Secure relationship

Psychoanalyst John Bowlby described three types of attachment: normal, anxious (it is difficult for a person to endure loneliness, so he “sticks” to a significant object) and avoidant (we can easily let go of another, but at the same time we remain with tremendous anxiety inside). Subsequently, another type of attachment stood out – disorganized: people “stick” to the object of attachment and at the same time “bite” it.

Unfortunately, attachment disorders are very common. However, it can be changed, including with the help of psychotherapy.

5. Autonomy

Its disadvantage is expressed primarily in the fact that people do not do what they really want. They do not even have time to listen to themselves and choose what they … would like to want.

At the same time, a person still wants to be autonomous and decide something, which means that he tries to control at least something, for example, his weight. In severe cases, this leads to anorexia.

6. Ability to stay in touch with yourself

More precisely, with all sides of one’s own “I”: both good and bad, both pleasant and not joyful. This, in particular, helps to survive conflicts without falling apart.

It is very important to keep three images in yourself: who you were once, who you are now and who you will become in ten years. To take into account and integrate what is given by nature with what we ourselves have managed to develop in ourselves.

7. Ability to recover from stress

If a person has enough strength when he is faced with stress, he does not break down and does not get sick, but finds a way to adapt to a new situation.

8. Realistic self-esteem

Many people evaluate themselves too harshly, criticize, humiliate. Or vice versa – they have an overestimated self-esteem. Part of the reason is that as children, their parents praised them, wanting their children to be the very best.

But unreasonable praise, devoid of love and warmth, instills in children a feeling of emptiness. They don’t understand who they really are, and often act as if others are bound to treat them differently, even though they haven’t actually earned it.

9. System of value orientations

It is important that a person understands ethical standards, their meaning, while being flexible in following them.

10. The ability to withstand the intensity of emotions

Feel them, but do not act under their influence. It is important to stay in touch not only with your emotions, but also with thoughts and reflections – your rational part.

11. Reflection

The ability to look at yourself from the outside. Reflective people see exactly what their problem is and try to solve it by helping themselves as effectively as possible.

12. Mentalization

Those who have this ability understand that others are completely separate individuals, with their own characteristics, personality and psychological structure. It is easier for them to realize that sometimes resentment at someone’s words and deeds is caused more by their personal, personal experience and personal characteristics, and not by the desire of another person to offend.

13. Possession of a sufficient number of defense mechanisms

Of course, in addition to owning them, flexibility in their use is also extremely important.

14. Balance between what we do for ourselves and for our environment

It is important to be yourself, take care of your own interests, but do not forget to take into account the interests of others.

15. Feeling vital

The ability to feel alive. Psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott wrote that a person can function normally, but at the same time be as if inanimate. The psychoanalyst Andre Green also wrote about inner deadness.

16. The ability to accept what we cannot change.

To be able to sincerely and honestly be sad in connection with the fact that it is impossible to change. Accept our limitations and mourn what we wish we had but can’t.

Can the list of 16 points be called final, or will new details and elements be added over time? “I cannot call my work exhaustive,” sums up Nancy McWilliams. – During my work, my fellow psychotherapists suggested to me some items that I have not yet included in my list. It seemed to me that they did not quite fit, while quite worthy elements were named: spirituality, the ability to forgive, gratitude, a sense of humor. But I’m going to write a book about it and I’m still gathering ideas.”