Bad encounters: how to talk to your child about it?

Prevention against the dangers of certain encounters

Your child’s body is theirs

Anyone who wants or needs to touch their body should ask for their consent, even the doctor. A child is often forced to give a kiss when he does not want to. Instead of forcing him, he just needs to say hello orally or with a wave of his hand. The best is to teach him as soon as possible to take care of his body on his own: wash himself, dry himself in the toilet … Moreover, the child must know that he does not belong to his parents. They are just responsible for it. It is important not to instill in him the idea of ​​the omnipotence of the adult.

Learn the prohibition of incest

“Dad, when I grow up I will marry you.” This kind of classic sentence is a good excuse to talk about sexuality with your child by giving him points of reference and limits. It is when the child feels an attraction for his parent of the opposite sex that it is essential to clearly indicate to him the prohibition of incest: “A daughter does not marry her father and a son does not marry.” not his mother because it is prohibited by law. When the child understands his filiation, he is the son or the daughter of, the grandson or the granddaughter of, he better understands the prohibition of incest. Children who ignore the incest ban often believe that the close adults around them (parents, friends and even teachers), and even children older than themselves, have rights over their bodies, and even over their parts. genitals, which puts them in danger.

No secrets with her child

The little secrets shared between children are touching and have the advantage of giving them a little independence. However, you should explain to your child that no one should impose a “tell no one” secret on them and that you, the parent, are always listening. He has the right to reveal a confidence which encumbers him and must know it. Remember that sexual abuse is often the work of someone very close to the family! To protect yourself from secrets that are too heavy to bear, avoid these secret games yourself and explain to those around you (grandparents, uncles and aunts, friends) that you are not in favor of them.

Encourage your child to speak and listen

Your child should know that he can always talk to you. Be open and attentive, whether orally or about their behavior. If your child knows that you are always available to listen, he will be more willing to open up when he needs it. If he’s been assaulted and confides in him, listen to him and keep his word. He must feel understood to keep his trust in you. We know that a child rarely lies when he complains of sexual abuse. In this case, you must tell him that he is neither responsible nor guilty. He is now safe and it is the adult who committed a fault who must be punished. Tell him that it is against the law and that you must tell the police so that the abuser is found and it does not happen to others.

Provide sex education for your child

His body interests him greatly. Take advantage of the moments of bathing or undressing to talk about your anatomy, that of the opposite sex, the difference with that of adults … Sex education takes place naturally in the family according to events; the birth of a little brother or sister for example. Answer their questions in a simple but honest way. Explain to him what is intimate, what can be done in public, what should be done in private, what is only done between adults … All this helps him to understand what is wrong. is not normal and to identify it, if necessary.

Teach your child to say no

The famous “no” he says so often around 2 years old. Well, he should continue! There are certain rules of protection that you must teach him, just like you taught him not to put his fingers in the socket or not to lean out the window. He is just as capable of integrating them. He has the right to say no! He can refuse a proposal that makes him uncomfortable, even if it comes from an adult he knows. He is not rude if he ignores an adult who asks him for help or to accompany him somewhere. He has the right to refuse a hug, a kiss, a caress if he does not want to. Knowing that you are supporting him at these times will make it easier for him to object.

Remind your child of the rules regularly

His body belongs to him, never waste an opportunity to remind him of it. It is speech that changes with age and your child’s ability to understand what you are saying. Around 2 and a half to 3 years old, for example, he can understand that he should not get naked in front of everyone. This is also the moment when he becomes very modest. And so you have to respect your modesty. Around 5-6 years old, you have to explain to him more directly that no one has the right to touch his body and even less his genitals, except to look after him (in the presence of mum or dad). However you tell him, depending on his age, he must understand that he has the right to respect and protection from adults.

Playing situations with your child

Nothing is more effective than the situation. Many books exist which give you effective support in answering their questions or approaching the subject in a pragmatic way.

 Very effective also with children, small role plays.

 What do you do if a lady you know a little bit tells you that she is going to take you home?

 What do you do if a man from the building asks you to go down to the cellar with him to repair your bike?

What do you do if a man wants you out of the park to see his little puppies in the car? You have to keep playing until he understands what to say. The only possible answer is to say no and go somewhere where there are people.

Talking about bad encounters to your child without scaring him

This is of course the whole difficulty of this approach: teaching him to be wary while instilling in him confidence in the other. We must always stay in reality. Do not add to it, he must especially not think that any adult can represent a danger for him or that any stranger wants to harm him. He just needs to know that some people are “not well in their head” and that you and many other adults are there to protect and secure him. The goal is to open him up to dialogue and trust with a few people with whom he can confide in the event of a problem. Make the most of moments of play and relaxation to get a booster shot.