Appeal to feelings forms the right attitudes and values. This must be taken into account. that, while effective, appealing to a child’s feelings works for many, but not all, children. The most difficult and intelligent children remember their goals, and appealing to feelings does not change them. In these cases, appeal to feelings should be supplemented by other means of pedagogical influence.
Appeal to the feelings of the child is more often a female strategy. Standard options are appeal to empathy (“Look how your sister is crying because of you!” or “Please don’t make mom angry”), distraction from unwanted things (“Look what a bird!) And attraction to desirable ones, as well as decision making on the basis of the feelings that the child demonstrates to the parents (Traffic Light model).
Look, your little sister is crying!
Much to the surprise of adults, and especially mothers, this appeal usually does not work at all on young children. However, if children get angry for a long time in such situations, they sooner or later understand what adults want from them, and begin to portray repentance. However, children love to copy adults, and if the mother is often upset, the children begin to repeat this after her. It’s hard to call it genuine empathy, but the road is being paved. Real empathy occurs in children no earlier than the age of seven, and here everything is very individual. If the children are very disposed to this, but there are not disposed to this in any way.
Please don’t piss off mom!
When the child does not obey, the mother begins to upset herself and show how bad she is from such behavior of the child. This model is very common, and is usually practiced among women. Her results? Guilt, affection and obedience are successfully formed in young children, especially girls. Older children, and especially boys, are worse at this, they become irritated or indifferent to their mother’s feelings.
Look what a bird!
The child is looking for more and more attractive things around him, distracting from the unnecessary. He does not eat porridge — we will offer an apple. He does not want to do exercises in the morning, we will offer to go swimming with friends. Swimming did not go well — let’s try to interest in a beautiful game of tennis. Works well with young children. The older the children, the more likely it is to fail. As a rule, this path ends with the Bribery pattern.
In this model, parents in their actions are guided by the feelings and reactions of the child. A child’s feelings and reactions are the colors of a traffic light for a parent. When a child responds positively to the actions of the parents, rejoices in the actions of the parents, this is a green light for them, a signal to the parents: “Forward! You are doing everything right.» If a child reluctantly fulfills the parents’ requests, forgets, snaps, this is yellow for parents, a warning color: “Attention, be careful, something seems wrong! Think before you say or do! If the child is in protest, this is a red color for the parents, a signal: “Stop !!! Freeze! Not a step forward in this direction! Remember where and what you violated, correct it urgently and in an environmentally friendly way!
The model is controversial. The advantages of this model are sensitivity to feedback, the disadvantages are that it is easy to fall under the influence of a child. The child begins to control the parents, demonstrating to them one or another of his reactions …
Yuri Kosagovsky. From my experience
I realized this when I realized that my mother’s appeals to my logic had no effect on me. The “material interest” to which all and sundry people appeal all the time — economists … philosophers … politicians and showmen did not affect either. I was offered 5 dollars for her five — but this system did not work.
I was only affected by my mother’s sighs and the stories that impressed me.
Until now, I slightly personify myself with the heroes of the books that I read as a child (they have an emotional and lasting effect on me).
Mother’s arguments that I would be a janitor if I studied poorly did not affect me, but her sighs did.
One day, sitting on a stool, she sighed and said: “Oh, Rachmaninoff’s prelude in C sharp minor…—what thing?” — and I spent 10 years at the conservatory instead of five (!) trying to understand — what is it?
For this, dreams also affect our impressionability and guide us and encourage us to act, or vice versa, to beware of acting where it is not necessary.
It was her single breath that made me play 11 hours a day at the piano for 10 years, but he didn’t let me go to music school and college, but he didn’t allow me to talk to teachers at the conservatory. It was he who made me figure it out myself in 10 years — what is music and piano?
It was he who forced the producer to appear at my place and it was he who forced the producer to drag me to the Paris Conservatory where I played my piano concerto at their request and left the building as an honorary member of the Paris Conservatory — although I don’t take it for granted no and not the slightest «training», except for the passion and love for music.
And it was my mother’s sigh that made some person invite me to the International Festival and perform there — I myself never go anywhere.
This is what emotions are and how they affect a person, and what are the consequences of the actions of other people. It’s just fantastic and effective. Efficient” is the most important thing. Everything that works effectively and evolution was necessary for the development of man for his survival.