9 things I wasn’t going to do when I became a mother

Being good parents is easy—until you have kids of your own. Until I had three, I gave very good advice.

I knew exactly what kind of mother I would be, what I would do in each case and what not to do. Then they were born, and it turned out that being a mother is the most difficult job on earth. That’s what I wasn’t going to do when I became a mother, never, ever.

1. Giving kids fast food and junk food

I was going to cook for them myself — 100% natural food. And I really tried. I rubbed the puree and steamed the vegetables.

Until one day I found myself in a long line at the checkout, with three crying children and next to the Snickers stand. And 50% of the time I gave up. I’m not proud of it — but I’m being honest.

2. Pick up the child from kindergarten last

I remember my childhood: I was always the last to be picked up from kindergarten and sports clubs. It was so scary. I always thought my parents forgot about me. It never occurred to me that they were busy at work and would pick me up as soon as they were free. I knew they were at work, but that didn’t mean anything. I was still afraid.

And here I am halfway home from kindergarten, with my daughter sitting in a child seat, and suddenly my husband calls: it turns out that both of us forgot to pick up our son from school. To say that I was red from embarrassment is to say nothing.

We agreed, then mixed up something, then forgot.

But do you know what happened next? He survived. And me too.

3. Give in to a crying baby

Before the birth of children, I firmly believed that the best thing is to let them cry. But easier said than done.

Having laid the child in the crib, I closed the door, and then sat under this door and cried, hearing how he cries. Then my husband came home from work, broke into the house and ran to see what was happening.

It was easier with the other two children — but I can’t say for sure: either they cried less, or I had more worries.

4. Let the kids sleep in my bed

I was not going to share my space with my husband with them, because this is bad for family relationships. I will pat the little night stranger on the head, give him warm milk to drink and take him to his soft bed to sleep … But not in real life.

At two in the morning, I was unable to lift my arm, leg, or any other part of my body from the bed. Therefore, one after another, the little guests appeared in our bedroom, because they had a terrible dream, and settled down next to us.

Then they grew up, and this story ended.

5. Feed the kids school lunches

I have always hated lunches in the school cafeteria. When I was in elementary school, I ate them every day, and as soon as I grew up a little, I began to prepare my own lunch every morning — just not to eat a school cutlet …

I wanted to be the mom who sends the kids to school in the morning, kisses them and gives everyone a lunch box with a pretty napkin and a note that says «I love you!».

Today, I am happy if all three go to school with breakfast two or three days out of the prescribed five, and sometimes there is a napkin in them, and sometimes not. In any case, nothing is written on it.

6. Bribing children with the promise of a reward for good behavior

It seemed to me that this was far from the aerobatics in parenthood. And, probably, I will burn in hell, because now I do this almost every day. “Has everyone cleaned their rooms? No dessert for those who do not clean up after themselves — and for dessert, by the way, today we have ice cream.

Sometimes I get too tired to find a book on the shelf on how to behave in this case and read it.

7. Raise your voice to children

I grew up in a house where everyone yelled at everyone. And for everything. Because I’m not a fan of screaming. And yet once a day I raise my voice — after all, I have three children — and I hope that this does not traumatize them so much that I will have to go with them to a psychoanalyst later. Although, if necessary, I know that I will pay for all these visits.

8. Get irritated over little things

I was going to see only the whole, look into the distance and be wise. Focus only on what really matters.

It’s amazing how quickly walls shrink when you become a parent and are left alone with three young children.

Small events of the day, funny trifles imperceptibly turn into a mountain hanging over you. For example, keeping a house clean is a seemingly simple task. But she obscures the whole world.

I plan how to clean the house more effectively so that I can finish in two hours, and after two hours of cleaning I finally return to where I started, to the living room, to find there on the floor … something that can never be foreseen and that sometimes happens.

9. Saying «yes» after saying «no»

I wanted the kids to know the value of hard work. They knew that it was time for business, and an hour for fun. And here I am standing in a supermarket with a cart and I say to these three noisy parrots: “Okay, put this in the cart and, for God’s sake, shut up.”

In general, I do a hundred things that I swore off. Which I wasn’t going to do when I became a mother. I make them to survive. To stay healthy.

Don’t beat yourself up for the choices you sometimes have to make to keep your family moving forward. Our boat is afloat, stay calm, friends.

About the Author: Meredith Masoni is a working mother of three and blogs about the realities of motherhood without embellishment.