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Speaking at a wedding is a pleasant thing, but it requires a lot of responsibility. And it’s not at all easy to give a speech so that the newlyweds and guests enjoy your wit and sincerity, and not blush because of awkward jokes or an inappropriate wish to “give birth to 10 kids.”
Since not everyone has public speaking skills, and we can be nervous at serious events, we advise you to prepare for the toast, taking into account some rules.
Of course, everyone knows something: for example, you can’t come up with a speech at the last moment, abuse alcohol before a speech, and use obscene language in congratulations. But we will talk about other nuances.
Don’t drag out the toast
Firstly, you are not the only guest at this wedding, and behind you there is a line of those who also want to congratulate the newlyweds. Secondly, your speech should have an idea, a key idea, and not consist of a retelling of a whole list of episodes from life, philosophical reasoning and parting words.
So, according to Diane Gottsman, the founder of the Texas school of etiquette, a good toast lasts no longer than 7 minutes. Other experts believe that it should take from 2 to 5-6 minutes. The main thing is that the speech should be meaningful and capacious.
Don’t hesitate to speak
It happens that the time for toasting at a wedding is limited due to the number of guests or because of the conditions of the celebration, or the organizers have drawn up a certain order of performances. Keep this in mind and try not to force a speech unless you’ve been asked to. If you take on some of the hassle of organizing the holiday, you will provide the newlyweds with much more support than if you break through to the microphone to wish them happiness and health.
Don’t put in jokes that most people won’t understand.
Most often, a large number of people gather at the wedding: among them are both friends of the couple with whom you do not know, and their relatives. And they will be embarrassed by jokes that are understandable only to you and the newlyweds and to a narrow circle of people. Is it necessary to laugh in response to this phrase? Was it said in jest or not? Not quite clear.
On the other hand, if «outsiders» get your humor, it can only make things worse. You probably would not want the groom’s 80-year-old grandmother to find out about the adventures of his turbulent youth in the middle of the wedding?
Don’t talk about exes
Even if both the bride and groom remained on good terms with their former partners, who played a significant role in their own way in their lives, this is still no reason to mention their names, making the newlyweds nervous. Now you are celebrating the birth of a new family, rejoicing that the newlyweds have found each other and decided to take a significant, at least from a legal point of view, step. Better focus on it.
Don’t try to be funny
At every wedding there is a guest who cheers up the people around with funny stories and comments all day long. Not surprisingly, his role «in the glory» seems enticing. However, in an attempt to approach it, your fatal mistake may lie.
“You know your strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. Don’t try to be funny if you can’t do it on your own, says etiquette expert Nick Layton. “When in doubt, always choose sincerity over humor.”
Don’t talk about future children
This rule seems so natural, doesn’t it? Nevertheless, newlyweds are often forced to listen to advice and predictions regarding their not yet planned children. And not only from relatives.
According to etiquette expert Thomas Farley, it’s not just a matter of banal impoliteness: «Phrases like ‘I can’t wait until you have such a beautiful daughter’ will make a couple sad when watching wedding videos, if she ends up fight infertility.
Don’t read on your phone
Of course, it is impossible for you to look at a piece of paper or at the phone where the speech is recorded throughout the toast. You need to at least roughly remember what you are going to talk about in order to maintain eye contact with the audience and not look insecure.
At the same time, if you choose between a phone and a printout, it is better to choose the latter, even if it seems to you that it is undignified. “Don’t read text on your phone,” says speechwriter Caitlin Peterson. — Highlights can discolor your face in photos and videos. Moreover, you don’t want your attention to be lost in the middle of a speech due to an Instagram message notification” (an extremist organization banned in Russia).
Do not dedicate a toast to one of the spouses
Perhaps you are a friend or relative of only one of the couple: you know a lot about him, but almost nothing about his partner. And anyway, this is a celebration of two people, so the toast should be dedicated to both of them.
You will have to make an effort, perhaps to look for more information about your friend’s partner, but your work will pay off: the newlyweds will appreciate that you have not ignored any of them.
Don’t draw attention
“In trying to sound funny or smart, speakers forget that their five minutes in the spotlight are not really about them, but about the newlyweds,” says Victoria Wellman, co-founder and creative director of the Public Speaking Lab. “In wedding speeches, everything that is said or done should be for the benefit of the bride and groom.”
No need to delve into personal stories between you or remind them over and over again how much you love them. Your «I» and «me» should be less, because this is not your wedding.