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Loneliness is one of the most common obstacles to happiness. The author of books on personal growth, Gretchen Rubin, talks about the most common types of this «ailment» that affects the inhabitants of modern megacities.
To be happy, we need close relationships, the opportunity to have heart-to-heart conversations, receive and give support, and feel part of something bigger. In short, the key to a happy life is close relationships with other people.
Of course, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Loneliness deprives of strength, interferes with life and work, drives into melancholy. The desired solitude gives peace and tranquility, gives the opportunity to recover and gives creative strength.
I would single out several types of loneliness. Of course, not everyone feels alone in the situations described below. Some, for example, do not need a romantic relationship at all. But many people, in the absence of friendships, love, family relationships, still experience loneliness.
Having figured out what kind of loneliness we experience, it is easier to tackle this problem.
1. «New situation»
You moved to another city, got a new job, entered a university. You do not yet know anyone in a new place and therefore feel lonely.
2. «I’m not like everyone else»
Perhaps, even in a familiar team, you feel that you are somehow very different from those around you. Maybe faith is very important to you, and others do not share your religious beliefs — or vice versa. Or maybe everyone except you love outdoor activities.
You can feel lonely even if you have a partner
It is difficult to find a common language with others when you have completely different priorities in life. And sometimes such loneliness «covers» us for no apparent reason — it’s just part of human nature.
3. «No loved one»
Suppose you have many friends and relatives. However, you may feel lonely if there are no love relationships in your life. You can also feel lonely if you have a partner — if the relationship is superficial, and you want real intimacy.
4. «No pets»
For many, it is very important to have a deep affection for animals. Communication with pets gives them something that they cannot get from relationships with people. Personally, I am not one of those people, although I love my dog Barnaby very much, but many feel that without pets they lack something in life.
5. “People don’t have time for me”
Often, people around us are quite friendly, but do not want to take a step towards true friendship. Perhaps they are too busy with their own lives, or they have too many friends. As a result, the desire to establish closer friendships is not reciprocated.
Or maybe old friends have begun a new stage in their lives — a new job has appeared that takes up all their free time, a child has been born. Now they no longer have time for communication and spending time together that you are used to.
6. «Unreliable friends»
Sometimes we are not sure how our “friends” really feel about us and whether we can rely on them.
An important aspect of friendship is the ability to talk heart to heart, fully trusting each other. If not, you may experience loneliness.
7. «There is no person who would just be there»
Sometimes we feel lonely because we miss someone who is just there for us.
Perhaps you have a large social circle: colleagues, relatives, friends. However, you are sad to return to an empty apartment. You want to feel the presence of another person, for example, to hear him rattling cups in the kitchen.
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It is important to understand why we feel lonely, only then can we start to change something. For example, if you’re lonely because others don’t have time for you, try working with someone on a shared project. Mom always said that it’s easier to make friends when you’re doing something in common, and I agree with her.