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He likes you, and he is close and interesting to you, but in the presence of this person you experience great awkwardness and embarrassment. From this, you fall into a stupor and cannot keep up the conversation, or, on the contrary, you try to overpower yourself, be talkative and joke, but it looks unnatural. And although in other life circumstances you have enough confidence, why does it fail in this case?
“I felt that the young man with whom we studied together liked each other,” says Marianna. – When he invited me to the cinema, it was our first date, and I was very nervous. He was well versed in cinema, and it suddenly seemed to me that against his background I looked like a person with an undeveloped outlook and bad taste.
In addition, I was tormented by the thought that he would examine me more closely and see that I was not so good as he thought. All evening I could not squeeze out a word and was glad when we parted. Our relationship never worked out.”
“Although a woman consciously seeks to start a relationship and she likes a man, she suddenly encounters the fact that she does not know how to behave,” says Marina Myaus. – This is typical not only for young girls – the fear of rapprochement can haunt a woman in adulthood. She’s so excited that she can only make things worse.”
“I fell in love with him immediately and just lost the power of speech in his presence,” Anna admits. – I lived every meeting. I forgot about everything in the world, as if in a fog I went to work, barely noticed my relatives and friends. The whole meaning of existence was reduced to his calls and our meetings. I just went with the flow and, when our relationship ended, for a long time I collected myself piece by piece. I couldn’t live without this man.”
“If such a woman managed to get close to a man and the relationship is developing, she does not understand how to behave further,” says the psychologist. – As a result, she often allows intimate relationships before she is ready for them, falls into a state of love addiction, because she does not hear her own feelings, does not see herself in this union. She completely dissolves in her partner and looks at him as God, not being able to feel her separateness.
Why is this happening?
Relations with the father
It is in communication with the most important man in childhood, her own father, that a little girl learns to build relationships with future partners. Therefore, it is very important that from early childhood she feels that she is unconditionally loved and accepted by him, he recognizes her talents and beauty.
This first reflection of herself in her father’s eyes in the future helps a woman realize her value in communicating with other men. If there was no father or he was present in the girl’s life, but did not pay attention to her, she loses an important skill in relationships with the opposite sex.
Mother’s settings
Often the fear of communicating with men is based on an unconscious hostility towards them. “A girl can be influenced by the views of her mother, who divorced her husband and told her about all the vicious sides of her father in colors,” says Marina Myaus. “This is often mixed with unpleasant statements about other men, as a result of which the girl inevitably grows up with a feeling of discomfort during close contacts with the opposite sex.”
How to get out of this state?
1. To overcome the excitement will help setting the fact that you are not striving to please him. Tune in that this is a non-committal meeting, and do not imagine even the most prosperous and happy development of events. Keeping your expectations as neutral as possible will help you feel more confident and comfortable.
2. It is important to go through the experience of friendship or friendship with men in order to better understand them. Try to find and maintain such acquaintances that will help develop the skills of more relaxed communication.
3. It is necessary to carefully monitor your feelings and desires and create maximum comfort for yourself in dealing with a man.
“If you start developing a healthy selfishness and selfishness, thinking about where you want to go today, what you would like to see and do, you will feel more confident and this, in turn, will help relieve tension between you. Your tension is the main enemy in a relationship, ”Marina Myaus is sure.