Why do we get into relationships we don’t want?

1.  The first option is that you just love to get hurt. There is a type of people who don’t feed bread, let them suffer. Trump won the election – what a horror, the world currency is losing ground – trouble, a work colleague – what an idiot, being overweight – a total disaster. You can list indefinitely, from household trifles to really big problems. By the way, such people try to avoid collisions with the latter in every possible way, suffering little by little every day. To suffer or not to suffer is a choice. If failures on the personal front are repeated over and over again, think about it – maybe you just like it? Because you already agreed with the position of the sufferer. Bad and destructive habit. 

2. Fear of being alone. Try to figure it out and ask yourself directly – why am I afraid to be alone? Maybe you just need someone “for extras”, or to silence the internal monologue, to dilute the awkward moment inside when you are left alone with yourself. If you don’t feel good when you’re alone, why did you decide that someone would be fine with you?  

3. Exaggerated expectations from a partner. No, the magician will not arrive, after meeting with whom your life will improve and happiness will finally come. This position is successfully listed in the rank of “from Monday to a diet”, “after rain on Thursday”, “after getting a crust”, “this is how I quit the office, I will live”, etc. Maybe you will stop looking for happiness in another person, and find it in yourself? The wizard has arrived, he is already here, look in the mirror. No one will heal you from longing, emptiness inside, self-pity, lack of meaning in life. As a result, “suddenly” it turns out that the chosen one will disappoint you, turning out to be a mere mortal person without any magical abilities. Do not shift the responsibility for your life onto the shoulders of other people and attribute your expectations to another person. Being together is a conscious choice, not a calculated or unconscious attempt to fill in the missing parts of life’s constructor.

4. People will judge. It so happened that people are always interested in someone else’s personal life and everyone, of course, understands it better than the participants in the events themselves. “When you get married, when you have children, find yourself a normal man, why are you alone?” – at least once in a lifetime, these questions, jokingly or seriously, were heard by all singles. A sense of inferiority and dependence on the opinions of others pushes people into relationships for the sake of relationships, because everyone around has decided that being alone is bad, being alone is wrong. You should not be with the first person you meet just because everyone around you decided that you need to get married or have children urgently. If someone chose you as a couple, this does not mean at all that you are good. If no one chose you as a couple, this does not mean that you are bad. The feeling of self-worth and self-identification should not depend on the opinions of the people around, they say a lot of things.

5. You waited too long. And they are already desperate to look for a big and bright love, that they agree to a small, frivolous romance that has resulted in a long difficult relationship for you with an equally difficult break. Has it happened several times already? Maybe you are not looking for a big and clean one there, or maybe you don’t need to look for it at all. See the previous paragraphs.

6. You don’t know how else. When the only example throughout childhood is quarrels between parents, breaking dishes, mutual resentment of father and mother against each other, it is difficult to create in adult life a happy family that you have never seen, never felt. You don’t know how to live differently, you weren’t shown as a child. You can understand with your head that there is little that is healthy in the union of parents, but these pictures have already been recorded on the hard drive of the subconscious in the 25th frame. They crawl out again and again into your reality, and you may not even notice that this is an old story with a sequel. 

All these points are based on one single feeling – unawareness and fear. On which of the points there was a response, in which you recognized yourself – think a little at your leisure in this perspective. Maybe then the answer to the question “why did you again get involved in a story with a bad ending” will lie on the surface.


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